#also this is a sign of a good friendship. evidence: my best friend has holes in all her sweaters from my puppy
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almayver · 13 days ago
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Puppy content! Puppy content!
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baggebythesea · 3 years ago
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In a peacetime modern AU of SPOP where the characters are fans of a show similar to our SPOP, how would they engage in fandom? For example: Who would ship whom? Who would write fic or draw art? Who would write or draw smut?? Who would have a wall of theories with evidence connected by a web of threads? Who would do their own thing shipping a rare pair and who would be a card carrying popular ship shipper? Who would strongly empathise with their parallel character and who would just not get them at all? Would anyone cosplay? Which older adult would shock the young'uns by saying 'Well I wouldn't say no...' as they sip their tea from the doorway? (Obviously answer as much or as little as you like!)
Ooooh! Great ask.
Glimmer declares the show the best thing ever (because it's pink and princessy and kicks ass), and the best friend squad watches it religiously. Adora doesn't really get what the big deal with shipping is supposed to be, but she think it's neat that Netossa and Spinnerella is a couple. Lowkey ships Glimmer with Bow because she likes the idea of childhood friends falling in love with each other. Also, she really likes it when the title character gets a horse. Hangs out a lot in fandom space but doesn't really produce content, at least until Bow and Glimmer manages to talk her into writing down some of her many, many theories of how the show will turn out and just what the logistics network through the whispering woods are supposed to look like. She secretly worries when one of her posts don't get as much attention as the last one.
Bow is just hung up on poor Catra and want for her to get some love. Mostly he cheers on Scorpia, but he would ship Catra with Adora or even Double Trouble in desperation for someone to take the cat away from the hole she spend most of the series in. He takes up sewing and makes a point of cosplaying every single princess. Comments on everyone's fanfic and likes everyone's posts.
Glimmer sees a bit of herself in Catra (because she too knows the pain of having a mother who doesn't understand her). She totally ships the cat-girl with the glitter princess and writes really messed up fanfics about them. So much passion. So much delicious, delicious self-destruction. Practically drools at the end of season 4 and all the angst that goes down there. She regularly asks Bow to beta read and traumatises him badly. Gets into fan-fights on social media about stupid shit. Cosplays Catra on a con and makes out with a Glimmer cosplayer.
Angella vaguely recalls the first show from when she was young and earns some much needed mom-points with Glimmer when she digs up a mint condition original She-Ra+Swift Wind toy from a carefully labelled box in the basement. She ships Glimmer with Bow because she really likes that boy. Micah used to watch the show as a kid and had a bit of a crush on the original She-Ra. Ships Bow with Sea Hawk and cheerfully fills the hashtag #SeaBow with memes at least a decade out of fashion. Mortifies his daughter when he take them to a con and insists on cosplaying as Hordak. Ends up in the bar together with George and Lance and sings karaoke to My Little Pony-songs.
George and Lance don't really get the show but are happy to take the kids to con. Cosplays as characters from old Belgian comics.
Catra thinks the show is silly (and watches every episode passionately. Shut up. Just humouring Scorpia, is all). She thinks the Catra character in the show is a wimp, but ships her with Double Trouble because she likes it when villains get their way. Draws really good fanart. A bit of a troll on social media because its so fun to rile up people like Glimmer.
Scorpia ships Catra and Adora and cries just as much as Bow in the First One's Temple part of season 1. She is completely floored by the large, femme and kinda clumsy Scorpia character hooking up with the beautiful, beautiful Perfuma because... um... Writes really bad but 100% heartfelt self insert fanfics. Draws stick figures of Perfuma and Scorpia holding hands. Reads and re-reads her favourite fanfics until her eyes are red from crying and in the end leaves a shy little "it was good"-comment for the last chapter. Tries to work up the courage to go to a con and talk to other fans. Wants to cosplay but has too bad self esteem.
Entrapta thinks the robots are unscientific for reasons she is happy to write hundreds of blog posts about. Ships Darla with the Velvet Glove (the word 'docking' is used extensively). Considers Hordak a total hottie and draws really - and I mean really - explicit fan art. Spends her first convention on the parking lot trying to fix her Emily cosplay.
Lonnie rage-quits watching the show the moment Adora leaves the Horde but thinks Adora and Mermista should just do it already.
Kyle ships Bow with an OC named Lyle who everyone likes and no one makes fun of. Has written a ten chapter fanfic which no one has commented.
Rogelio ships Tung Lashor with Sea Hawk. His fanart can melt through steel.
Sea Hawk ships EVERYONE with Merm-iiiiiiiiiista. Runs ten different fan-events simultaneously. Mermista just ships Adora with Lonnie or whatever. They do duo-cosplay on cons, much to Mermista's embarrassment.
Perfuma ships Entrapta with Hordak, writes post after post exploring their psychosocial dynamic and is downright gleeful when it becomes canon. Spends the cons friend-momming on the rest of the group and makes sure they are all hydrated.
Frosta thinks shipping is stupid and want to see more of princesses teaming up and beating the shit out of the bad guys with the power of friendship. Also has a really detailed backstory for her OC. Only ask if you have plenty of time. Has a pretty good Glimmer cosplay.
Huntara ships Juliette with Castaspella and writes surprisingly sweet fics about them crushing on each other. Keeps order on social media.
Castaspella ships Shadow Weaver with Angella and writes fanfic that could easily be published as high class erotica. She's a really good commentor on other people's fics, giving tons of support and little constructive hints where she feels it might be well received.
Juliette has better things to do than watching a children's cartoon, but she does enjoy some of Castaspella's stories.
Spinnerella ships Catra and Adora and is just so proud when it turns out to be canon. Tells everyone who wants to listen how little representation was available in her first fandom and how far things have come.
Netossa ships Adora and Mermista and draws really hot fanart of them making out in gym showers and the like. Prefers modern aus and couldn't care less about canon as long as it gives her hot characters to play with.
Shadow Weaver doesn't ship anyone because no one is worthy of the love of Adora who is the only worthwhile character. Writes a 40+ chapter story about a badly out-of-character Adora who takes over the Horde and laughs at her enemies from the throne. Is enraged when people dare having the wrong opinion about things but can't tell them so because she feels social media is beneath her. Secretly reads Castaspella's fanfic.
Horde Prime ships Horde Prime with Shadow Weaver. She is written completely out of character in a rather insulting and sexist way. Completely insufferable on social media and insist on everyone signing up to his headcanon.
Hordak says he doesn't ship anyone because romance is silly. Cries over Adora's redemption arc when he thinks no one watches and ships her with Glimmer because he just wants to the poor, rejected Horde soldier lost in a strange land she doesn't understand to get some love and kindness.
Wrong Hordak ships Scorpia with Perfuma because love finds a way. Draws the purest fluff you'll ever see.
Double Trouble trolls social media at every turn and gleefully ships the most messed up shit they can think of. Shadow Weaver and Perfuma, Catra and Sea Hawk, Angella and Hordak, Horde Prime and Swift Wind... Also ships the characters they deem to have most dramatic potential to derail the story such as Entrapta and Hordak, Glimmer and Catra, Glimmer and Double Trouble... kinda has a low key crush on the sparkly character but denies it if anyone asks. Really good at cosplay and runs a tutorial at the cons.
Swift Wind thinks there are too few horse characters. Ships Swift Wind with Rainbow Dash.
Light Hope only ships canon pairings because by definition canon is the only thing that is valid. Writes long, convoluted predictions that she updates after every episode. She gets an existential crisis when her predictions don't pan out in canon.
Mara ships Adora and Glimmer. Still gets hot and fussy every time she thinks of the s1 hot spring scene. Wants the hardworking perfectionist to get love.
Razz write novel length stories where she ship a character mentioned in passing in an unpublished Dickens novel with her old middle school math teacher. No one has any idea what she is going on about or why she posts it in the she-ra tag, but her stories are good and she's a complete delight at cons, so she's welcome in the fandom.
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ohmyitsfaith · 4 years ago
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Did I mention?
Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader
Summary: “Omg I just had the saddest idea (kind of haha).So with Number Five, something where he likes the reader and has been giving signals to her here and there, and then the day he works up the courage to ask her out she's a bit rude to him, but she was just having a bad day. But to him that was a bullet to the heart because he was already very insecure, so basically his hole week is ruined, and at the end she notices how sad he is and remembers her mistake. Just lots of fluff and cuddles from there.” -Requested by anonymous
Warnings: some angst
Word count: 1.9k
A/n: This took longer than I expected it to take. I started with one idea but then deleted the whole thing and changed the title and the idea lol. But I like the outcome, hopefully you’ll too!
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Five was torn. He had no idea what to do. He was so lost and he lost hope too. He needed guidance but he had no idea where to or who to go to. He couldn’t go to Vanya… she was still depressed about losing Sissy. He couldn’t go to Klaus, he couldn’t give normal advice. His brother Luther was only in love with his sister, so he wants no advice from him. And Diego was still obsessed with finding Lila. So…
“Hi Five.”
He flinched at the sudden sound of your voice.
“Y-y/n!” he stuttered.
A confused smile made its way up your mouth and soon it reached your eyes. You were happy to see the boy, but to your recollection he never stuttered. You sat down next to him as he cleared his throat.
“Hi Y/n” he said, sounding much more collected.
“What are you up to?” you asked, the smile still evident on your face.
“Uh- uh nothing” he said, kind of panicked. “W-what are you up to?”
“Are you okay?” you asked with a giggle.
“Y-yeah! I guess…” he sighed, putting his face into his hands. “I don’t know…” he mumbled.
“What’s wrong?” you put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
“T-there… huh… there- there is a girl” he muttered.
“A girl?” you asked, shocked. “What girl?”
“She- she’s very… beautiful. And… she’s an amazing person…” he started.
“But?” a pang of jealousy hit your chest.
“But she’s blind! At least to me… I’ve sent so many signs her way and she either doesn’t see it, or… or she just doesn’t care” he sounded troubled.
“Tell me… about her” you said, even though you felt incredibly jealous.
“Are you sure?” he asked, looking up at you.
“Five, I can see that it’s troubling you. You’re my best friend and I could go to you when I needed help. Now I’m here to do the same” you smiled at him softly.
“Okay” he sighed, already feeling bad that he’s telling you about yourself, without you knowing that it was you and… “Well… she’s very smart and witty. Which is good, because she can always just hit me with a comeback. And she’s incredibly pretty. Like the “you can look at the sun but not her” type. She’s also very friendly. And nice. And sweet. She’s the whole package, you know?” he looked at you sadly. “And I love her so much…” he said looking at you, but then turned his head away. “But I don’t know how to tell her. I’m so scared that she’ll reject me… that I’ll ruin our friendship. She’s a great friend, but I wish she was my girlfriend.”
You thought for a few seconds, just looking at the boy. He looked so lost. Obviously, he never experienced something like this and now he was scared and confused. Your heart fell at the thought of him being with another girl, but then as you thought, you realized that you didn’t want him to be miserable. So you tried your best to give him a good advice.
“Look, I’m not an expert in romance. But… what I think you should do is… just try to talk to her, okay?” you sighed. It was hard for you. “Like… you said she’s a great friend, right? Just… try to ask her. I know, it’s hard… but… you’ll feel this immense amount of stress… just… dissipate. It’s… scary. But you’ll feel better. And… if she rejects you, she doesn’t deserve you.” you said. “You’re a great person, Five. Anyone would be glad to be your significant other. And I’ll always be here to help you. So if she rejects you, I’ll be here as a shoulder to cry on.”
Five sighed, looking at you with a sad expression. He then nodded and pulled you in a hug. You hugged him tightly, like if you let him go, he’ll disappear. Then you sighed and let him go.
“Come. Let’s get coffee to calm your nerves” you smiled at him.
“Thank you, Y/n” he sighed, a small smile appearing on his lips.
“Any time lover boy” you joked and his smile grew.
The next day was horrible for you. Your anxiety was acting up and the thought of Five getting a girlfriend, who was not you, felt like a stab every time it appeared in your mind.
You grumpily made your way to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for yourself. You sat at the table and looked at nothing in front of you.
“Good noon Y/n” Klaus chirped and you mumbled a hello. “Somebody is in grumpy mood today. Is everything alright my little friend?”
You looked up at him and if looks could kill, Klaus surely would be ten feet underground.
“Okay, well… I understand” he said, putting his hands up in surrender. “Oh, Five! Good noon!”
“Good morning Klaus, Y/n” Five said in his usual “everything sucks and you’re possibly the cause of it” tone. “I need to talk to you” Five whispered to you.
“Five! Would you like a cup of coffee?” Klaus asked.
“Y-yeah!” he waved his hand at his brother and stayed at your level. “Can we?”
“I don’t have time Five” you mumbled.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked, concerned.
“Everything is wrong, Five” you scoffed and stood up.
“Y-y/n?” he called after you.
But you didn’t even look back, just walked up the stairs, right into your room. You had no time or the mood for a talk with Five about some other girl. And you kept that mood for the whole day. Of course you felt bad for being mean to Five, but you couldn’t stop it. You had a bad day, it happened to everyone.
For Five that’s what caused a bad week. Not just a bad day, a bad week. From the morning when you dismissed him, he just avoided you. He felt heartbroken and just broken in general. He of course didn’t know that you had a bad day that day, in his mind he convinced himself that you found out about him loving you and you were so disgusted that you didn’t even want to look at him. Of course, he should’ve figured it out when after a day you were there and tried to talk to him, but he was too heartbroken for that.
So he avoided you. Whenever he entered a room and saw you there, he turned back. When you walked into a room he was in, he could’ve been doing anything, he abandoned that and went to find something else to do. Or when your paths crossed, he simply teleported out of the way and to the place he needed to be.
It was like a mouse-cat game and you were the cat, trying to catch him. You always saw his heartbroken expression and your heart ached for the boy. You didn’t know if this was because of the one time you were mean to him or if it was from a rejection from that girl he mentioned. However, you couldn’t even find it out since he never was in the same room as you.
The twist came on the day nearly a week after he started avoiding you. You planned all your move and calculated his. You weren’t sure if it was right, but you hoped it was. The day started in the kitchen. You walked in, saw him and when he saw you and went to leave, you blocked his path. As you calculated, he simply teleported behind you, but your hand was there to catch his arm. From then, he tried to blink out of your hold, but your grip was strong and he pulled you with him. You knew what to expect, so you didn’t let him go when the nausea hit you. He was shocked by how sternly you stood in front of him, still holding onto his arm. In his shock, he didn’t even try to blink away from you.
“That’s enough” you said, your voice strong and almost dominating. “This has been going on for a week. You’re going to tell me why the fuck you’re avoiding me and you’re going to tell me now.”
He blinked twice before sighing. He accepted defeat and grabbing your hand, he pulled you to his bed.
“Okay” he sighed.
His hands were shaking and his feet were bouncing. You could tell by the clear signs that whatever was bothering him and causing him to avoid you, was making him super anxious. You slowly put your hand on his, grabbing onto it and holding it to calm him.
“Is this about the girl you told me about?” you asked softly and he slowly nodded. “Did she reject you?”
“Yeah, I think so” he said.
“You think so?” you got confused.
“Y/n…” he turned to you. “That girl is you.”
You stopped breathing for a moment. At first your heart started racing, but then is sank in your chest as you realized that that day when Five wanted to talk to you and you dismissed him, he was trying to tell you this exact same thing. And you being rude to him, let him believe that you rejected him. Then you felt him start to pull his hand away. You quickly squeezed his hand, holding onto it as tightly as you could. You looked into his eyes and a soft smile tugged at your lips.
“Really?” you asked and he nodded. “You- you love me?”
His blood rushed to his face as he nodded again. A happy breath left your mouth as you put your hand on his cheek and turned it towards you. You smiled at him before pressing your lips to his. His breath hitched at the feeling but soon closed his eyes and deepened the kiss.
Your first kiss with him felt like heaven. You finally understood why people were so excited for their first kiss. It was simply amazing. Feeling the lips of the one you love on your lip, was one of the most amazing feelings in the whole world. As he kissed you more than once until both of you were out of breath and panting. Still, as he put his forehead to yours, you let out a giggle and he smiled at the adorable sound. You pecked his lips a last time before leaning your head on his shoulder, your nose digging into his neck. Your breath tickled his neck, but he just pulled you closer to him.
You ended up lying in his bed, with you practically on top of him. He didn’t seem to mind though, as his arms went around your waist and held you as close to him as possible.
“Did I mention that I’m in love with you?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper, not wanting to disturb the calming quiet.
“And did I mention that I’m in love with you too?” he asked, his volume and tone matching yours.
“Please tell me this means we’re officially dating” you whispered.
“I thought that I made that quite clear” he let out a breathy laugh.
“Okay” you sighed and closed your eyes.
“Are you going to take a nap?” he asked.
“Maybe” you hummed. “Are you?”
“A nap sounds nice” he shrugged.
You lifted your head from his chest and propped yourself up on your arms. Five looked at you and you pulled yourself up more to be completely above him.
“I love you” you said, looking into his eyes.
“I love you too” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips, which you kissed not even a second later.
You lay down and hugging each other, you slowly fell asleep.
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[Masterlist]
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evasbr · 4 years ago
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A little fix it story
I just can’t get over the episode and needed to write about them and wanted to share for everyone who’s interested to read it and as desperate as me LMAO. Just want to say quickly beforehand, I took out the Maya part and changed the conversation, it’s not completely taken from the clip, FYI. But now, hopefully you’ll enjoy the story. I’d love to have you share your opinions on it, feel free to say whatever. Lots of love to you guys out there. Without further ado, have fun reading!!
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"Are you serious? You're running away now?" "What did you expect me to do? Sorry, but I'm not putting up with your bully squad and parties and all that, I barely recognize you anymore. I feel like you're a whole other person." "They're my family Fatou. They might not be perfect, and they made their mistakes, but they're family, and I'm here to help them. Glad to know you're so fed up with it. I tried telling you about it, you know, but you wouldn't listen." the exasperation in her voice evident. "When exactly? Because back there you openly rejected me, and now you just started even addressing it." "All the time, I've been going out of my way, opening up for you." "Sorry, but when have you exactly been opening up? I don't see it. You've been running away when I needed you." Fatou practically screamed, her emotions overtaking, beginning to cloud her judgment. She had to keep it together somehow. But her resolve was cracking, she was falling apart at the seams. "You wouldn't talk to me. You know in my world that's how conflicts are solved, by communication. And I feel like you don't really want to talk to me nor want me in your life." there was a certain desperation in her voice now, the tears more than visible and the vulnerability tangible.
Fatou laughed at that, leaving a dumbfounded Kieu My staring at her as if she had just smacked her in the face right then and there. "Sorry, it's just funny looking back at how long I've been practically pining after you. At that dance, I didn't just see you dance, I saw your interactions and your smile, that goddamn cute smile and I fell for you right there. I tried getting to know you casually, but as you noticed, I was way too nervous, you made me so damn nervous. Then I wanted to confess, but you kissed that dude and that kinda broke my heart back then. I mean you know what came after that, but I've never felt this happy and comfortable with someone in my life, without knowing them for long. That's rare, and it's just funny, I guess, how you couldn't see that." there was no turning back now, she laid everything out in the open, more vulnerable than ever and the fear in the back of her mind was pounding painfully, more scared than ever of losing it all now. Kieu was even more dumbfounded now, opening and closing her mouth a few times but seemingly at a loss for words. So she continued explaining herself. "You know I'm so sick of fighting, everything is going south right now. The cash queens, my family, school, my job, that I just lost, and now us. I don't even know where to begin with all the problems." she didn't know how to explain it, didn't want to dwell on her problems and make it seem like the end of the world, but she needed her to know somehow. Albeit the difficulty of opening up, she had managed to pull through, and honestly, she felt proud to have taken that step at least, no matter the outcome. Because it felt good, so good to let it all out. "I didn't know that" she finally replied, nearly in a whisper, while coming closer. "Can we please just talk about this and get it out of the way, I hate fighting, and you know, I do wanna be with you. I've been wanting that for so long. The thing is, I hate confrontation and I hate talking about my problems and putting them on others, which is why I didn't say anything. But nothing works out right now, and I'm getting so fed up with it. I'm sorry for not being there the way you needed me to, I've been so caught up with everything, and it's just hard to even see everything that's going on. I feel so overwhelmed 24/7" At that Kieu My hesitantly reached out, put her hands in Fatou's carefully, looking at her, gauging for a sign of rejection, before pulling her into an embrace. Seeing the clear distress, and hearing her finally open up about her problems, she didn't want to leave her standing there. So they stood there for what felt like forever, not wanting to let go. She put aside all the worries of the last weeks and decided not to dwell on it for now. It was the first step in the right direction. Fatou buried her face in Kieu Mys shoulder, crying, letting the tears that have built up for all this time just roll down her cheeks and soak Q's coat, not even caring a single bit about it. Kieu My in return kissed the side of her head, caressing her, trying to comfort her. "I just, I've been caught up in my own world too. You know, you didn't talk to me, and I've been really scared you don't even want this. I just need to know where I stand sometimes." she whispered, still embracing her. "I'm sorry Kieu My, I really am, God sometimes I feel like a bowl with a thousand holes you know? And then I forget everything around me, even the important stuff. Which is the reason why I fucked up my job, friendships, and everything. I'm sorry I didn't open up." Fatou eventually said, pulling back to look at her. "It's fine Fatou, and I'm also sorry for just assuming how to handle your problems, I shouldn't have done that. I guess we both need to work on communication and I want you to know that I'm here for you, ok? But please talk to me." "I'll try my best, I promise." "Now, um, do you still want to leave? I'd get it, with Constantin, you know, but I would be happy to have you stay. I wanted to call this off in a bit anyway. He needs to go home and rest. Would you mind coming up with me again?" "If you're not gonna push me away again, sure." she said with a humorous expression, letting her know she didn't really mean it that way.   Q just laughed at that, but still, there was an underlying worried expression and Fatou just knew what must've been going through her head and that she needed to assure her. She told her how she felt and for once, she had actually listened because this was important to her. If she wanted to know, she'd gladly tell her, no matter how often, because Kieu My was worth it. She was worth the effort. And she should be. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. And I want you to know that I'm not here for your looks, nor your party persona. I like and want you just the way you are Kieu My and I want us to be on good terms. So yeah I'm coming up, and I want to give your friends a chance and help you clean up. Don't worry about it" she assured her, carefully reaching for her hand, caressing her knuckles. When Kieu My just stared at her, practically in awe she couldn't help but make a joke. "You want us to freeze to death first or should we head up before they're starting to worry?" She smiled shyly at that, while nodding her head. It was one of those beautiful smiles that she fell in love with in the first place. But before they could enter the apartment Kieu My held her back pushing her closer to herself until there was no space left anymore, and she kissed her passionately, up until the point of no return. Fatou pulled back, completely out of breath, after what felt like forever, their foreheads touching, while she whispered "Let's talk later about everything ok? But if we're continuing now, I might not be able to make it into the apartment." She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat. With one final peck, saying more than any words could, she let her know it was all going to be good. Intertwining their hands, smiling at her reassuringly, she led her back into her apartment. Fatou could've never imagined the night to go this way, honestly, she didn't even know what to expect, but certainly not this. But she wasn't one to complain, and she couldn't be happier, feeling Kieu Mys hand in hers, still intertwined while she talked and laughed with her friends. Looking up into the sky, seeing the stars shine brighter than ever, she thanked the universe for having found her and taking another sip of the drink Ismail has made for her, she felt positive, yet nervous about what's to come this night, but she wasn't worried anymore. And she felt a little less stressed, and like she accomplished at least something in her life. It would all be good, and she couldn't help the giddy smile at that thought.
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shan2-d2 · 4 years ago
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As the garbage fire year of 2020 continues, I have been struggling to find something to fill the Schitt’s-Creek-sized hole in my heart.
Which, come to think of it, replaced the Parks-and-Rec-sized hole in my heart prior to that.  I’ve always been a sucker for “soft” television, but with everything going on the world, whatever tolerance I had for heavier fare has disappeared completely.  Like, yeah, I’d love to catch I May Destroy You or I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, but I just. Can’t. Handle. Them. Right now, anyway.  
I do have some old standards to fall back on-- Bob’s Burgers, The Good Place, The Great British Baking Show, and Kim’s Convenience (bless you, Canada) work just fine.  But with so much time at home, I’ve been getting antsy for new, soft, comforting content.
Then I watched Julie and the Phantoms on Netflix.
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And I loved it SO. MUCH. 
(Warning, since this is a family-friendly show: profanity ahead.)
Which, I have to admit, I’m kind of embarrassed about.  Like, look: I fully own up to the fact that my tastes aren’t exactly refined or mature.  I’m one of those contemptible “childless millennials”, after all.  There are things on my Netflix and Spotify lists that would make film buffs and hipsters cry.
But what I will give myself a pat on the back for is that I’m extremely open-minded when it comes to any sort of art consumption.  My tastes are super-varied, and I don’t have the burden of worrying about what is “socially acceptable” for me to watch.  I can watch Barry and Fleabag just as happily as I can watch Sarah & Duck (literally, a show for preschoolers that works better than any anti-anxiety medication I’ve tried) and old episodes of Tiny Toon Adventures.
Regardless, there’s embarrassment. Which is not about the fact that it’s a cheesy, High-School-Musical-esque, pre-teen friendly series, actually (... okay, maybe a little), but because the aging freakout is real, my friends.  Hitting the “Oh-My-God, I’d-Have-To-Play-the-PARENT” period of your life is fucking rough.  
Basically, in the words of Roger Murtaugh... I’m too old for this shit.
But I’m trying to tell myself that 1) Generation Z is delightful and I refuse to feel guilt for appreciating them, 2) god knows we’re all watching Stranger Things without embarrassment, and those kids are, like, twelve, and 3) now that I’m apparently ANCIENT, I’m supposed to stop caring about what other people think.
So: Julie and the Phantoms made my heart grow three sizes and I loved it a whole lot.
Quick synopsis: Julie, our hero, is a performing arts school student who is grieving the death of her mom and unable to continue making/playing music because of it.  One day, three ghosts of teenage boys who were in a mid-90’s rock band show up in her garage.  They form a new band (insert title of show here) and help Julie rediscover her love of music, while she helps them navigate the afterlife.  Bonding occurs, lessons are learned, the power of friendship is discovered, you get the idea.
And okay-- at its surface, it’s family-friendly entertainment, you know? Cute story, funny moments, the music is catchy, the whole cast is super talented (and, hey, can actually play their instruments! Whaddaya know!).
But the CHARACTERS!  THE SOFTNESS! THE REPRESENTATION!  If this is how young adults are going to written from now on, sign me the fuck up.
First of all, the two female leads of the show are women of color-- Julie (Madison Reyes) is Latinx and her best friend, Flynn (Jadah Marie), is Black.  That alone is (sadly, STILL) noteworthy, but I literally wanted to stand on my couch and yell about how wonderfully self-assured, smart, mature, strong, and competent these girls are.  Julie, in particular, is just… she’s just so cool, you guys. She never once has to rely on anyone else but herself to get shit done, and she takes responsibility for her own actions.  The girl very clearly knows her talent, capabilities, and worth, and PHEW, do we need to see more young women like her on our screens!  Like, yes, the boys support her, but they’re complete equals.  Julie doesn’t need any male saviors up in this business. She’s got this.  I LOVE HER. I SOMEHOW WANT TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S LIKE HALF MY AGE (oh GOD. I’m so OLD).
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In fact, throughout the series, the importance of honesty, respect, and healthy support is repeatedly emphasized.  There’s no dependency issues here, and lying of any kind is clearly forbidden.  Which I loved, because the whole “teen lying to everyone” storyline has been done to death.
Then there’s the three boys of Sunset Curve-- Luke (Charlie Gillespie), Alex (Owen Joyner), and Reggie (Jeremy Shada), i.e. the messengers of destruction for toxic masculinity.  THIS IS THE MALE FRIENDSHIP PORTRAYAL WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, PEOPLE.  They’re so nice to each other! They’re so supportive! They’re tactile, openly emotional, and completely devoid of judgment of any interests or behaviors that don’t follow male social standards.  Bless the Age of the Soft Boys, may their reign be unbreakable and everlasting.
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Oh, and Alex is openly gay.  It’s not just hinted at-- he’s out and proud, with an adorable crush/pre-relationship with a skater boy named Willie (Booboo Stewart).  And, apart from a quick mention about Alex’s parents being homophobic, the show pretty much takes the Schitt’s Creek route-- all love and acceptance, with not much of a thing made of his sexuality at all (in fact, there’s enough evidence that none of the boys are completely straight, and I’m here for that, too).
And if all of that isn’t enough of a cuddle to the heart for you, THERE’S MORE:
Julie’s supportive, soft dad
Reggie’s immediate, one-sided bond with Julie’s supportive, soft dad and her brother
Julie and Luke totally have crushes on each other and it’s SO SWEET but completely age-appropriate, good job guys
I’m a sucker for good harmonies and the band HAS ‘EM IN SPADES
Flynn being HBIC the entire series
Julie’s crush Nick being very realistically awkward and dopey in the shadow of Luke’s arms (Nick, dude, lose that HAT, I beg of you)
A surprisingly moving side-plot/song about Luke’s parents
Alex just wanting to dance, and also being a high-key feminist and calling out the others when they slip up
EVERYONE’S JUST SO FUCKING NICE, OKAY
So yeah. Shut up. It’s wonderful and pure, and I WILL TAKE ANY SOFTNESS I CAN GET IN THIS HELL YEAR, WHEREVER I CAN GET IT.
In conclusion, Kenny Ortega can have my entire soul if he wants it, for not only this but also Hocus Pocus and Newsies.
Completely Unnecessary Afterword:
Being old enough to remember 1995-- and, specifically, what was popular that year-- has brought up some important questions regarding the Sunset Curve boys:
We know they died in ‘95, but like… when? Did they get to see Empire Records, for Christ’s sake?! Did they see Casper, because, I mean, they’re basically the Devon Sawas of 2020?  Were they spared their contemporaries’ fate of constantly over-quoting Billy Madison and Tommy Boy?  
OH MY GOD, DID THEY HAVE AOL SCREEN NAMES, AND WHAT WERE THEY??
What are each of the guys’ favorite song off of Boyz II Men’s “II��? This is possibly the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.
Did they die before Jagged Little Pill came out?  That would kind of break my heart.  Not that I expect Julie to start portraying Alanis-levels of anger/angst, but ‘95 was a YEAR for women in rock.  Garbage, Hole, No Doubt, PJ Harvey, The Cranberries, Veruca Salt, Bjork, and countless others-- they all had massive hits that year.  I love the idea of Julie and the guys sitting around the garage listening to all of those women for inspiration.  Can we have a resurgence of female-led rock bands taking over the charts, please?
On a much more serious note, given where the AIDS crisis was in ‘95, it’s no wonder Alex is a nervous wreck. It’s not really something I expect the show to delve into, but man… getting transported to 2020 might’ve been a bit of a blessing (not that things are great now, but y’know, medical progress).
How in the world did none of them fall victim to the whole “white boys dressing hip-hop” trend back in ‘95? I mean… Clueless got it right. (Wait, did they make it to Clueless??)
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theories-just-for-funzies · 4 years ago
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“What’s the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends? Tell them your darkest secret, because if you tell them, and they decide they’d rather not know... You can’t take it back. You can’t unsay it. Once you’ve opened your heart, you can’t close it again.”
This is the second post I’m making about BBC Sherlock S4 (or anything about any fandom, really). You can find the first one here, the topic is almost the same. I’m really slow in writing down my theories in a way that is comprehensible by others, so I’m sorry if i don’t have a lot for the moment. Read this with the knowledge that I firmly believe in TJLC as explained by Rebekah on YouTube, and that S4 is not real as we see it, but is telling us what we need to know before they release S5 (or the special if that’ll come first) through unusual ways, TJLC style.
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I think here Culverton smith is mirroring the writers, and his friends are the viewers. During the whole scene we have TONS of mirrored shots in the windows, most of it infact. In all of the previous seasons mirrors and character shots in mirrors were there to signal “hey this character is currently mirroring this other thing”, so idk it might be even this time??
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Faith when she’s still drugged and tries to remember something about the conference, the first shot of her that we see, she’s in a mirror, even the desk reflect her image. Wander which part of the audience Faith is mirroring? Yeah, you guessed it. The tjlc fandom. The ones that analyze things. The ones that are questioning.
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And the nurses? Idk, I’ve never seen a nurse that’s just putting an IV wearing a mask (unless under special circumstances of course), it never happens even when you’re taking blood samples, it just doesn’t ring right to me. So, who are the nurses? They’re people working for Culverton, they know what’s happening, they know what the solution is and what it does, they know how to administrate it, but they leave the room in the moment of confession. The nurses are mirroring BBC Sherlock’s crew.
If you’ve never worked on a set let me tell you: nobody, apart from the smallest possible amount of selected people, knows the whole picture, they can’t risk it, usually it’s just the writers, the producers, and most f the times the main actor; everyone else just knows the smallest informations to do their single job of adjusting the lights or hair for that single scene just like it’s written in their schedule.
So the crew knows partially what they’re doing, but they can’t speak, because their mouth is covered.
I’m thinking this is exactly the reason of S4. S4 is the memory drug. Everything made sense till now, tjlc was more and more evident, it was extremely obvious to everyone that johnlock was an actual thing, i mean just look at the sign of three, MY MOM THOUGHT THEY WERE CANONICALLY IN LOVE BEFORE I EVEN DID (at the time the fandom wasn’t the greatest so I avoided pretty much anything that wasn’t fan fictions or fan art, and just thought it was queer bait). Everything was super clever and well made. And then S4 came. A cheap Hollywood movie where nothing made sense and with john and sherlock great platonic friendship. And it was the last season so how could you not except what they already gave you and still want more, right?
Wrong. S4 is either complete bullshit or a distortion of what actually happens.
Culverton say that he can’t say his darkest secret because he can’t take it back, yet he does tell, and he does take it back.
The show does say that sherlock and john love each other (and are still pining) but S4 takes that back. You want the distorted version? Ok. Sherlock does explicitly says the words “i love you” in S4 to Molly in a physical mirror, a character’s mirror for John, whose description of the coffin perfectly fits John. The show does say that the writers aren’t stupid and aren’t making a tv show that’s just a blockbuster action movie, with cheap Hollywood effects and made up physic laws. Yet S4 takes that back.
The whole thing they kept saying in earlier seasons about “making history of television” and “making unprecedented things”? What unprecedented things? That was extreamely cheap cinematic, with really poor writings and a rip off of James Bond and classic horror movies. Nothing about S4 was memorable or relevant.
They already said everything they had to say (for the moment) but then they couldn’t leave the public waiting for another 6 years before S5 with all that hope and knowledge. Especially considering the fandom suspected even the phone\heart metaphor before ASiB even aired. Leave those people with the tiniest hope and you’d find your plans stripped naked for everyone to see in less than half of that hiatus. That’s really not Moffat style, he needs to give you hope, rip your heart open, surprise you leaving you gasping, only then he can make another plot twist and make everything super beautiful again and making you crying because it’s too many emotions.
So they said their things before S4, the fans that were still not sold on johnlock or didn’t want it canon were the friends who would rather not know, they went on with the brain washing of S4, and said “ok, we’re done here, nothing else to see, the show is finished, good night”. But just as with Faith’s story you can reconstruct if not all, part of what happened; because i don’t know if you noticed, but S4 doesn’t have a lot of plot holes, it is one single gigantic plot hole.
But what happens if they kill everyone just like Culverton Smith said? What happens if they make S4 so bad and destroy everything they said up until now with the show itself? What happens if the same people that were able to decode everything suddenly lost any faith because they were let down so much they just let the fandom die, and there was no one left to analyze what they were actually saying?
Everyone would forget all about TJLC and about how clever of a show it was. They would erase the whole show from people’s memories, letting it pass by like any other show that’s there to fill your Sunday evening.
Also there’s another thing that doesn’t sit right with me, although i don’t have any proof backing this up and am not sure of what I’m saying, it’s basically just speculation, but still. TD12 package:
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obviously this drug doesn’t exist, the only thing i came across with that name is a percussion sound module, you’re welcome to make your own theories with this informations since i know absolutely nothing about music technology and am not the smartest tool in the shed when it comes to music theories or clues.
I presume TD12 it’s something along the line of saline solution, since Sherlock made that replacement himself later in the episde, my research (because i also have no knowledge about medical stuff) told me that saline solution has en expiration time of roughly 2 years. On the package we see that the expiration’s date is October 2018, so counting back, assuming Culverton got the drug shortly before doing his speach, the scene takes place somewhere around October 2016. Wander what happened in October 2016?
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On BBC Sherlock official YouTube channel they release just one video: Sherlock Series 4 release date. Now. You might say I’m looking a little to much into it, but if you go check the release dates of the other YouTube videos you would see that they usually don’t post just one video per month, that’s the only one around that time period. Idk if you ask me it’s a lot of strange coincidences.
Anyway, in the scene he then says “these drip feeds will keep the drug in your blood streams at exactly the right levels. Nothing that is happening to you now will stay with you for more than a few minutes. I’m afraid that some of the memories you’ve had up to this point might also be... corrupted.”.
So the victims starting now, will continue to take the drug for the next idk 30 minutes???? But apparently some of the events preceding that moment can be “corrupted”. Translated: everything starting from October 2016 is fucked up because of the drug, not only that, but also some things from before that. I’m guessing the “drips” would be the little occasional posts or news??
Might I add the information that in December 2018 the escape room Sherlock the game is now opened? Like, i know it’s not October, maybe I’m just looking where i want to look, but... I genuinely don’t know, that’s why I’m sharing things, so that people with a more objective point of view can come and say to me “hey you’re not making any sense, what the fuck are you talking about”.
And overall, I’m not native English speaker, but I don’t think you say “corrupted” when talking about human memories. It sounds more something used in the context of digital memories, usually it’s files that gets corrupted, not human brain memories.
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florafey · 5 years ago
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Thoughts While Reading Crescent City - Part 2
Part one here
Spoilers under the cut
- Something definitely went down that night Bryce and Danika got in a twist with those shifters and crashed their motorcycle
- That something that went down probably has a lottttt to do with the resolution of this book but I can’t for the life of me figure out how
- Aw Hunt’s ordering her food and she isn’t HAVING IT
- Ah shit a ‘slposion 
- Bryce really tired to protect Juniper from the explosion even though Juniper is immortal and Bryce isn’t. This woman is amazing
- I bet a million trillion dollars that Briggs has nothing to do with any of this. I know all signs are pointing to him but that just seems too easy
- AAAAAAAAAND Hunt’s moving in with her. CHA-CHING BABEYYYYYYY
- Nobody hates the Autumn King more than Ruhn does and it’s hysterical. I’m living for the almost blatant disrespect with which Ruhn speaks to him 
- It’s been four seconds and they’re already acting domestic Sarah SARAH what have you done to me
- Fury better make an appearance before the book is over
- Syrinx and Hunt? Pals. I’m calling it
- Okayokayokay I know Bryce has a whole thing with “don’t go all alpha-hole on me” and all that but it was extremely amusing to see her explain that to Hunt and have be like ??? the fuck are you talking about?? and then just shut her down with “I think you may be the alpha-hole here” like Bryce I love you but you needed that
- And then Hunt just picks up from that and starts telling her what to do AHAHAHAHHAH hypocrite 
- I’d rather eat my own vomit than meet Sandriel but I just know we’re going to
- “What’s the deal with you two?”
“We beat the shit out of each other at a party. Danaan’s still sore about it.”
uh yeah I’d be sore about it too, bitch lmaoooo
- Bryce, Hunt, Ruhn, and Lehabah should start their own CSI show. Or Criminal Minds. Or one of those crime shows cause I can’t tell a difference right now
- Group buddy cops except between the four of them, only Bryce and Lehabah get along
- Hunt has an email I’m cryingggg
- Bryce probably fucked that Oracle up, that’s why she won’t go back
- Hunt collectively referring to Bryce and Ruhn as ‘assholes’ is a bold move but he’s right and he should say it
- ah these photos are gonna be a thing, huh? Good. Give it to me
- FUCK ITS SANDRIEL
- atta boy Hunt don’t fucking kneel to her
- Sandriel can catch these hands on any holy day and that’s a fact 
- ewwww Micah come ON
- Wow Bryce really is a Bad Bitch. Doing all that in front of Sandriel?? Telling Micah fucking Domitus ‘not interested”????? Queen
- Okay now I don’t like Micah. He’s fucking Hunt up and he knows it.
- That oracle made me nervous but it went better than I had expected
- Fuck, see, I knew Briggs didn’t have anything to do with it
- I really don’t want Danika to have anything to do with this. It would ruin Bryce and I’m not interested in reading about that
- As we get to know Hunt better, he’s refreshingly human. And he needs a friend just as much as Bryce does. And while both of them are often assholes to each other, they’re also really really good friends when the need to be
- ^^^that’s called growth
- AHHHHHHHHHH the gun range scene????? AMAZING POWERFUL ICONIC on both their parts wowowowowowowowwwwwwwwwwww heheheh they’re such a power couple
- So......hmmm.....okay so Shahar seems to.....not have been that great of a person? Is anyone getting those vibes? idk
- Hunt and Bryce are so normal and I love it. Like sharing worst hookup stories and casually/not so casually asking about current relationships
- Didn’t I say fuck Sabine? Yeah, I knew I was on to something with that
- Ruhn and this medwitch? Could be interesting. I get strange vibes from her, though
- Oh these two will be the death of me. Now we’re changing contact names in each other’s phones?? Okay high-schoolers 
- I LIKE VIKTORIA
- Can I just say that both Bryce and Hunt are doing a phenomenal job at trying to overcome/work through their respective trauma? And they’re learning the best ways to help each other, too 
- Hunt seriously made Bryce crawl into a sewer how rude
- I had heard tell of the Jelly Jubilee scene before reading this book. I have now read it and can say that yes, it is as iconic and hysterical as everyone is making it seem. Wow. I’m going to read it eight more times
- Tharion Ketos is amazing and that’s a fact from God
- ‘Legs’???? ‘Legs’?????? Bryce, if Hunt had called you that you would have smacked him in the mouth
- Oh jeez Bryce lmao chill out you’re at work
- ew I hated the whole scene at the werewolf teritory
- I’m also....unnerved at how the wolves hate Bryce because she hooked up with someone before she ever went on a date with Connor but she was “already his” like ???? guys that doesn’t add up let’s do the math again
- If Sabine does not shut the FUCK UP about her GOTDAMN SWORD I’m gonna seduce Tharion into drowning her and eating her
- So we can drown Amelie too, did you hear that, Tharion? Good
- Micah is now acting shady. Destroying the kristallos before they could search it for an antidote or evidence? That’s called shady 
- A HUG WOW
- FUCK YOU SABINE YOU FUCKING INTERRUPTED THE HUG SESSION
- oop
- Danika ????? Stole ???? Stole the ????? oh alright
- Hunt is again antagonizing Ruhn. This will never get old
- So you know that prophecy about Danika’s sword that talks about one the sword and the knife are joined something about the people coming together? I can’t really remember what it says but I read a theory that proposes that knife as Azriel’s knife from ACTOAR and I’m.....really about that....that would be something else 
- we’re summoning another demon ??? 
- ohhhhhhh the Prince of the Chasm you say ???? I LIKE THIS ONE
- oh shit and Bryce knows him ???? From the past ??? Wild
- lmao look how stressed Hunt is over Aidas
- Aidas had three pages but I’m in love. And he’s a demon so that’s fuuuuuun
- awww look at Bryce trying to make an apology meal there’s def a similarity between this and the soup scene between Feyre and Rhys
- Is....is Hunt going to be her Anchor?? 
- “You said home earlier. At the bar. I know you’re supposed to live in the barracks or whatever Micah insists on, but if we somehow solve this case...that room is yours if you want it.” tears. actual tears. write this on my tombstone, please for the love of god 
- Oh my god Bryce really got scared when he didn’t come home...I’m really gonna start crying again what the hell
- Alright, a tsunami of tears have just been ripped from me. The whole scene when she found him in the shower and washed him and dressed him and put him to bed ???? When he PUT HIS HEAD ON HER LAP ??????? jeeeeesus I’m soft, so so soft
- This is the greatest work of writing I’ve ever held in my hands
- “A child laying his head on his mother’s lap. A friend looking for any sort of reassuring contact to remind him that he was a living being. A good person, no matter what they made him do.” sarah, oh sarah how you’ve ruined me
- So I know we all ship Bryce and Hunt but can we really talk about their friendship? Like the....the pure trust they’ve formed ?? Take that scene above for instance. There’s nothing at all sexual about Bryce washing Hunt in the shower when he was in shock and couldn’t do it himself. Sarah mentions how nervous Bryce is because Hunt is naked but there isn’t anything to that that isn’t normal. And Hunt is comfortable enough with her that he puts his head in her lap and again, nothing sexual. Sarah compares him to a child needing his mother and a friend needing reassurance, but nothing more. There’s something to that, something that wouldn’t be there if the connection was also romantic or sexual. Okay I’ll stop now 
If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you. Thank you for joining me on this extremely wild and slightly out of control ride. Part 3 will be up shortly.
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exhaustedfander · 4 years ago
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Can I request a Moceit fic where Janus is trying to impress Patton, it fails each time, but they get together anyway?
Here ya go! This was a fun one to write, I absolutely adore these two! Feedback and reblogs are really appreciated, have a nice day/night! 
a03 link
My writing masterpost
word count: 2,196
To Woo Morality [Moceit]
It was stupid, really, to think that winning Patton’s heart would be an easy endeavor. It’s not as though they’ve been on the best of terms for most of their existence, indeed they’d been considered enemies for some time. Just because Janus was now accepted by Patton and he’d received an apology card from Patton for everything that had been between them – it really was a nice card – didn’t mean that they were immediately on the best of terms.
Janus didn’t mean to fall for Patton. Any positive feelings he’d felt for the moral side in the past had quickly been pushed to the back of his mind; Jesus, Janus should’ve known better than to think repression would work. But now that they’ve been spending a lot more time with one another, Janus can no longer ignore the affection that blooms in his chest when he’s in Patton’s presence.
At first, he’d been under the impression that even if they were becoming friends, Patton would want nothing to do with him in a romantic-sense. They’d just be pals, and Janus’s heart would just have to burn a little more with each passing minute together. Except…recently, Janus has noticed a shift between them. It could be in his head, though he highly doubts that, but it seems as though Patton has seemed somewhat more nervous in his presence. It’s little things, hands accidentally making contact earning a blush, lingering hugs that the moral side just seems to melt into, passing glances that clutch at Janus’s heart and a look in Patton’s eyes that he prays is admiration.
For some time, Janus has been telling himself that perusing Patton is a horrifically bad idea. He and the others are by no means on good terms. Logan tolerates him as far as he’s aware, but he has impersonated him a few times now. Things are decidedly very shitty between him and Roman, and conversations between him and Virgil usually end in hissy-fits. Remus has been a friend to Janus for some time now, someone who while strange and quite a bit to deal with also knows him better than most, so having his company is somewhat of a relief. He’d like to tell Remus of his feelings for Patton, but if he knows his friend, and he does, it will only end in an onslaught of teasing and Remus running to Patton blabbering. That just won’t do.
The idea of the others knowing of his feelings for Patton was something that, truthfully, concerned Janus. They're fiercely protective of their fatherly figment; who wouldn’t be? It had held him back, thinking of how they’d react. But it’s those moments of hesitation, lingering hands, lingering eyes that push Janus over the deep end. He’ll seduce Patton or die trying. The only question is how.
Janus’s first attempt is a gift. Nothing fancy, but rather innocuous and simple in case things go belly-up. Unfortunately, they do.
“Aw, Jan, you’re too sweet,” Patton coos, holding up the frog stuffed animal with a gleam in his eyes that Janus foolishly sees as promising. Patton sets the plushie down and wraps him in a tight hug.
“I’m so lucky to have such a good friend!” Yikes. That’s not quite what Janus was hoping for.
“Likewise, I’m pleased to call you my friend as well,” Janus says as he pulls away, far smoother than he assumed the words would come out. “I’m glad you like it.”
And then, Janus is back to scheming. The only problem is, he's never been very good at scheming. Sure, he might seem like the type to pull together an elaborate plot, but most of his best work is done on the fly. But impressing Patton can’t be improvised, he tells himself angrily, passing the length of his bedroom, it has to be perfect. So he thinks. And he plans. And he overthinks.
“A picnic?” Patton asks, excitedly. Janus grins, already proud of this plan.
“Yes, if you’d like to join me,” Janus offers, suave. Yes, this will be fine.
“Well, I’d love to, kiddo,” Patton says energetically, and Janus tries his best not to wince at the “kiddo”, “Only…you’re talking about picnicking in the imagination, right?”
“Yes, of course,” Janus replies.
Roman and Remus’s realm is the perfect place for a romantic picnic. With lush, rolling hills of green and skies as blue and beautiful as baroque paintings, it’s the best place Janus can think to woo the moral side. There are fantastical beasts, most of which harmless, at least on Roman’s side of the imagination (save for the dragon witch, but she hasn’t been seen for some time). They’d be sure to steer clear of Remus’s more unruly section of the realm. But then he catches the look on Patton's face.
“Is there a problem?” Patton huffs, fiddling with the end of his shirt. Goodness, that’s not a good sign.
“Oh, I’m just worried it might upset Roman,” Patton explains, “I know you two still have a lot to work out. And Remus’s side…well, I’m not too sure if I want to encounter anymore of the horrific monsters that live there. Once is enough for me.” Damn it, why did Remus ever have to drag Patton on a quest, and why in the world had Patton agreed?!
“Ah, that’s…understandable.” Janus set the picnic basket down, trying to hide the hurt that was surely showing on his face. For a liar, he sure was getting bad at masking his emotions.
“Oh, Jan, I didn’t mean to make you sad! I’d love to still have the picnic, if you still want to. Just somewhere else, maybe?” Janus does what he can to hide how deflated he feels, nodding and forcing on a smile.
“Sure, Patton. The common room, or one of our rooms, perhaps?” Janus flinches as Patton grips onto his wrist. His grasp isn’t hard or painful, just startling.
“C’mon, let’s go to the common room. Maybe someone else will want to join us too.” Janus couldn’t shake the hurt that sentence provoked if he wanted to. Even so, he picks up the picnic basket again and allows Patton to lead him away.
Later Janus sits at his desk, his head in his hands. Why does it have to be so hard? Why can’t his efforts be enough? He’s seen it, surely, he’s seen a twinkle in Patton’s eyes that has to mean something. Or maybe he’s just been far too optimistic. Perhaps the idea of Patton having any interest in him is absolutely preposterous.
Plans flutter through Janus’s mind, gifts he could give, attention he could provide him, but none of it matters in the end. It’s all sure to fail – god, when did he get so depressing?
Janus sighs looking at the clock: nearly 12 am now. He’s been holing himself up in his room since the picnic. At least Patton seemed to be having fun, and Logan even joined them for a bit. That certainly didn’t thrill Janus, but the smile it brought to Patton was something he couldn’t discredit.
Reasonably, it’s too late for a snack. But he’s also imaginary, and moreover, doesn’t really give a shit.
He doesn’t expect to find Patton in the kitchen and considers turning on his heel before the moral side catches sight of him.
“Oh, hiya, Janus,” he greets, friendly as ever, “What are you doing up so late?” Janus bites back a sigh, walking into the kitchen and eyeing Patton.
“I could ask you the very same question.” Patton giggled sheepishly.
"I suppose you could. I couldn’t manage to fall asleep, and I’ve always heard warm milk might do the trick,” Patton explains, holding up a mug, “But boy, this stuff’s nasty. It’s no cowincidence I’ve never been much of a fan.” Janus chuckles lightly, leaning against the kitchen counter. “So, what about you? What brings you to the kitchen this time of night?” “Same as you, I suppose,” Janus says, hoping Patton won’t challenge his vagueness, “I found difficulty sleeping.” That isn’t entirely untrue. Perhaps it was because he was getting lost in his failed plans, but Janus still hadn’t been able to sleep. It seems that Janus has lost his desire for a snack, as seeing Patton is only upsetting him more. He doesn’t want to be like this, so at the mercy of his emotions, and it’s driving him near-insane.
“I think maybe I’ll try again, though. Goodnight, Patton.” “Wait.” Janus pauses in the doorway, turning back to see Patton worrying his bottom lip.
“Is something the matter?”
“No, no. Nothing like that,” Patton sounds uncharacteristically anxious, something that strikes Janus as odd, ���I just wanted to…thank you, I guess.” Janus quirks an eyebrow.
“Thank me?” “For being so sweet lately,” Patton clarifies with a flickering smile, “I mean, you’ve been so nice, getting me things, and having a picnic, and just sitting and talking with me as much as you do. Things were so bad between us for so long, I know I’m a lot of the reason why –.”
“We’ve already had this conversation before, Patton. It’s okay,” Janus interjects.
“I know we have, but it doesn’t make me any less sorry. But I feel really lucky that we get to hang out as much as we do now. It’s really nice, you make excellent company.”
Janus half expects himself to fall into a love declaration right then and there. Patton, always so kind and well-meaning, is thanking him for all the extra work he’s been putting in trying to get Patton to notice him. Evidently, he has noticed him, just maybe not as much as Janus wants. It’s selfish, he realizes, to desire so much, so soon. He needs to stop his futile attempts to win Patton’s heart and simply enjoy what he can get.
“It’s not nearly the same as everything you’ve done for me,” Patton splutters, pulling something out of his pocket and pressing it into Janus’s gloved-hand, “But I made you this.”
Janus looks down at the blue and yellow bracelet, the two colors woven tightly together. Janus half expects to start weeping because, yes, this is a friendship bracelet, but it’s also something that Patton has made for the others, but never him.
“I hope you like it,” Patton says nervously, messing with the sleeves of the cardigan tied over his shoulders. Janus slips the bracelet onto his wrist and, in a very un-Janus-like fashion, engulfs Patton in a tight embrace. Patton lets out a sound of surprise before sinking into the hug, pressing his face into the crook of Janus’s neck.
“I love it,” Janus breaths out, feeling like the luckiest side in the world just to be holding Patton, “Thank you.”
“Of course, I-I’m glad you like it,” Patton manages to sputter out. The hug drags on far too long to be considered platonic. Neither men let go.
“Janus…” Patton trails off, letting go of Janus’s back and instead cupping his face in his hands. Janus could feel the moral side’s hands beginning to tremble. He waits a moment, wondering if Patton has more to say, feeling as though his heart might just beat out of his chest before it's unanimously decided action will speak much louder than words.
The kiss begins feather light, just the slightest brush of the lips before Janus’s fingers dig into Patton’s curls, pulling him as close as possible. There they stand in the low-light of the kitchen, kissing and holding onto one another as if the other might disappear if they let go. Unfortunately, the need for oxygen eventually arises and the two part briefly, smiling wide. Patton ducks his head against Janus’s chest, still holding close to him.
“Wow…” is all that Janus can think to say. Patton giggles.
“Wow is right. I was so worried that you didn’t feel the way I did.” Janus chuckles lightly at that, carding a hand through Patton’s hair.
“That's funny, considering it’s not like I’ve been trying to get your attention for some time.” Patton let out a noise of confusion before catching on.
“Oh, Jan, honey. You could’ve just told me.” Oh, he already likes the sound of Patton calling him “honey.”
“In all fairness, you could’ve told me yourself.” Patton laughs again, pressing his lips to Janus’s again, lighter but much of the heat is still there.
“I guess you’re right. We were being silly, dancing around each other, huh?” Janus hums in response, a content, relaxed sound. “Why don’t you try and get some rest now? You sound tired.”
“Come with me,” Janus requests. It’s suddenly so easy to ask, so easy to show Patton how much he cares for him and desires to be in his company. “You look quite tired yourself.”
“Okay, Jan,” Patton says, releasing him from his grasp before lacing their fingers together. The pair walk hand-in-hand to Janus’s room, both smiling wider than they have in quite some time.
As it turns out, Janus’s plans were not a complete waste of his time. He’s relived there’s no need for anymore scheming, though. He’s got everything he’d ever been searching for.
=+=
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darawonplease · 5 years ago
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trauma. ch1.1 - i’m doomed
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Dara rewatches her infamous confession to SECHSKIES leader Eun Jiwon. She finally decides what to do when a message ruins her plans.
characters. Eun Jiwon x Sandara Park, CL, Park Bom
A.N. In the following chapter I refer to two different shows Dara has appeared on. The links to those videos are in the titles of the two shows that are mentioned at the start).
chapter 1 - i’m doomed, part. 1
[dara pov]
I turned on the tv with reluctance, a frown appearing on my face. I intended to avoid that very episode of Hun Maen Jung Eum since it first aired, but there I was, the curiosity of knowing how the scene I shoot was broadcasted on national tv being a valid reason to tune in on MBC’s channel.
[...]
“Dara had a crush on someone for 22 years…”.
The MC read through his script; my back tensed as soon as I heard my name called. In all honesty I didn’t expect the production to bring this news up.
“…that person is the one sitting beside her---”
“Here it is”. I thought, resting my sulky face on the remote I had in my hands.
“--- Eun Jiwon”. The MC revealed with a huge grin on his face.
I saw myself smiling on the tv screen but at the time I wanted to crawl in a hole in the ground and disappear forever.
“When Sandara was offered to be on Hun Maen Jung Eum she agreed without hesitation. She said that she liked three people on this show: JeA, Joonhyung and Jiwon”. Stated the MC while flipping the pages he held in his right hand.
“Woo~”. The people I mentioned smiled out of content, appearing pretty pleased by my statement.
I gulped as the MC continued to read the interview I had prior to filming, I felt instant regret. I should’ve known better then. Of course, they saw my confession for Jiwon-oppa on Video Star, the episode in question aired a couple of months before shooting Hun Maen Jung Eum.
I remember the day I was casted on that talk show so vividly. I had just started to appear on variety shows and winning a spot as host was one of the biggest accomplishments of that year.
-
“Sandara-ssi, we’re glad to let you know you’ve been casted as a fixed host on the program, congratulations”.
“Ne! I’m grateful for the opportunity given to me, I won’t let you down!”. I closed the call; a sudden burst of energy took over my body as I started doing my “victory dance”.
“Yay~ I’ve been casted Wonjun-ssi~”.
I jumped up and down while holding both of his hands.
“Isn’t It a great day to be Sandara Park’s manager-nim?”. I flashed my best smile and started dancing again, my limbs waving all over the place.
“It’s great Dara-ssi”. He hid his perplexity as to why I was acting like that behind a sheepish smile.
JJangmae-oppa was known for being 2NE1’s manager. YG ent. fired him right after the group disbanded, as we all had our own personal managers. JJangmae-oppa wasn’t just monitoring us, he affirmed himself as an older brother figure, cherishing us when YG sajang-nim scolded our group for not being pretty enough, for not being successful enough. Jjangmae-oppa saw us as people and not products, that’s why, seeing him disappear from our lives so suddenly, left a big hole in our hearts, firing up the resentment towards the unfairness of the decision made by the company.
-
The legendary sunbae-nim, Tony Ahn, member of H.O.T. was invited as guest on the first episode I hosted of Video Star; thinking back it was such a smart move on the production team part to cast me, knowing the relationship I had with Tony-oppa. Milking it created quite a stir, in fact.
Our ambiguous friendship became the main topic soon enough. The guest list included people in the friends circle me and Tony-oppa shared so they knew how to tease and prompt him into revealing what was his stance when it came to our relationship.
“When Dara got drunk, she had the silly idea of putting the bottle’s cap on her eyes, we all happily laughed about it”. JeA-eonni suddenly became a dispenser of embarrassing scenes, and I was the protagonist of them all. Who knew that she’d share other awkward stories about me later, on Hun Man Jung Eum too.  
“Do you know what he said to me? He went - Don’t make her do those things!”.
Tony-oppa clapped his hands, embarrassed.
“I didn’t even tell her to do that!”. JeA-eonni was clearly upset as she stood up from her seat to directly complain with Tony-oppa, who sat right beside her.
“So - he must care about Dara a lot”. Commented Sook-eonni, glancing at me.
He defended himself – “I had such great fantasies about her, I thought it was impossible for her to think about doing so on her own”.
“He really doesn’t know how to date, as he got older, he even became more fearful and shy, he limits himself to observing only - so I told him that if he keeps observing he’ll lose her”. JeA-eonni was obviously determined to unveil every detail of the story.
Hyejong-eonni joined in the mission of collecting every piece of evidence that pointed at Tony-oppa being interested in me.
“That that’s why I suspected him and Sandara! He actually wanted to ask her out, but he lost his timing and Dara reacted passively at it, so you just ended up being friends”.
“Tony-ssi, are you observing Dara-ssi right now?”. Narae filled her role as host, interrogating him like a detective.
“She’s just a girl friend and there is no I way I could develop anything other than that. That is not what I thought when I first met her, who knows what might happen; that’s what I thought” – He replied with honesty.
“Then why did you keep watching her slowly and didn’t go for it right away?” – JeA-eonni spoke up again, interrogating him. She could pass as a host because of the fiery desire to uncover the truth.
A short sigh left Tony-oppa’s mouth. - “At that time, we didn’t have any occasion to meet”.
“So, you guys didn’t have any connection”. Concluded Sook-eonni from the host panel.
“There was documentary about her in Korea back then – I somehow managed to watch it and noticed she was good at singing and dancing, she was also pretty and charming – I made up my mind and wanted to producer the singer Sandara Park”. He revealed proudly, I didn’t know he had such high regards for me as an artist.
He went on saying: “But then an article came out – Sandara signed a contract for YG entertainment”.
“I thought he had been observing her for just a month but it’s been already 15 years!”. Exclaimed JeA-eonni, talking to the cameras, furrowing her brows.
“He is like the man in Old boy”. Eana-eonni commented, poking fun at Tony-oppa. He crossed his arms and laughed off, dumbfounded.
“This oppa really loves you Sandara!”.
I slightly felt uneasy as they kept pushing in that direction, I kept dwelling on how I should react without hurting his feelings as I, unfortunately, didn’t reciprocate.
Narae interrupted the laughter that filled the room until then.
“I don’t know if I should say this right now….”.
The atmosphere on set suddenly changed, a chill danced up my back not knowing what she was going to say.
“...well, Sandara has another man in her heart”. She stated with total seriousness.
“Ack-…” murmured Tony-oppa, with a disappointed look on his face.
“We also know about that”. Commented all the female guests sitting the other side of the room.
“Dara-ssi likes…. Eun Jiwon-ssi!”. Narae slammed her hand on the table as she looked away from the guests. She sure knew how to create a commotion.
I was taken aback, hearing his name all of a sudden made my heart flutter, but I didn’t hold grudges at Narae for revealing it, I somehow felt better because of the burden taken off of my chest.
A multitude of voices quickly started to overlap one another across the room.
“Eh?!  Do you still do?”.
“I knew it!”.
“Yes, she does!”.
“Stop hurting him and say the truth!”.
Tony-oppa’s ears became red, he remained silent at the sudden revelation.
Jiwon-oppa was the leader of another legendary boy-group I loved in my teen years, SECHSKIES. It was a known fact that H.O.T and SECHSKIES were rival groups back in the day. Fans used to scramble with one another for their favorite singers. It sounded funny to think the feud didn’t stop with the music.
“Will your fans fight again for this?”. Hangbo-eonni joked, trying to defuse the situation.
“Leave the girl – there was a SECHSKIES song that went like that!”. Narae referred to the song “Chivalry” perhaps, but I remember the lyrics differently.
“How could I leave you like this?”. Hangbo started to sing SECHSKIES Road Fighter, playing around.
Tony’s soul left his body as he turned on his seat, trying to fleet the situation by facing the wall behind him.
“But Jiwon-oppa doesn’t know about this though – this is the first time I’m saying this”.  I stated looking around the room.
“Ah- is that so?”.
“Since when have you been watching him?”. Sook-eonni’s eyes lit up with interest as she asked me for further information.
“…since 1997”, I muttered before bursting in a fat laugh, my cheeks becoming more and more red as we kept talking about the man I’ve been admiring for such a long time.
“The important thing is if she still likes him even now”. Commented Park Sohyun-ssi.
“Well… recently we’re in the same agency… - I’ve also been to their concert last time and he was so cool”.
I didn’t know how affectionate I sounded before re-watching this scene after the episode aired. My eyes filled with love and admiration as soon as I started to talk about him.
“He looks so tsundere!”. I finished my confession on that note, contented with my own honesty. The thought of him made my heart pit-a-pat hard.
JeA, Hangbo and Eana-eonni turned their backs away from Tony and created a small girl gathering where they started to whisper to one another.
“Tell me something about it”.
“She really likes him”.
“You didn’t know it?”.
“I knew it, but I thought she already put away her feelings”.
I was so relaxed and contented when confessing on that occasion. It was perceived as an innocent crush, something to laugh about during lunch. It only looked like I was a big fan, not a big deal at all.
But on Hun Maen Jung Eum, right beside him? I felt my heart sinking deep. I hated the thought of coming across so insisting and foolishly adoring of him – right in front of him. Revealing how much I payed attention to him recently made me look so hopelessly in love with him. Which I was not.
-
I shook my head and payed attention to the program that was being broadcasted on my tv.
The MC kept reading - “Joonhyung-oppa and Jiwon-oppa have different meaning for me”.
Everyone burst out laughing at my straight forwardness.
The Sandara on the tv started clapping her hands, uselessly trying to hide from the impending embarrassment.
“Joonhyung-oppa feels like a senior while for Jiwon-oppa…”.
“Please don’t say it…”. I begged in front of the tv over and over again, even if perfectly aware of what was going to happen soon after.
“...he really is like a man to me~”.
The guests gazed at me at once and screamed in disbelief, it was a commotion.
“Can I really say something so burdensome?”. The me on the screen blurted out while covering her face with her hands, as if that could prevent the sense of regret from manifesting.
I remember my stomach turning on itself, cold sweat was pouring down my forehead. I tried to control those violent reactions happening inside of me but failed miserably.
“I shouldn’t say burdensome things”. I uttered again while looking away.
“It’s not~”. I could see on my screen that Jiwon-oppa was averting his eyesight while saying so, with a sheepish smile on his face.
JeA-eonni then intervened revealing her testimony too. I realized only then that she knew so many things about me, making her a perfect snitch on the variety shows we participated together.
I was surrounded by my own embarrassment and couldn’t flee in any way. No matter where I looked, there was no way to avoid meeting someone else’s derogatory glare.
“We had finished a schedule together and were at the salon-…” She started, guiding everyone’s attention towards herself.
“…I told Dara I had a schedule with Jiwon-oppa” – She went on.
“Ah ~ Isn’t our Jiwon-oppa perfect?”. She mimicked me perfectly, from the high-pitched tone to the gestures, my jaw dropped to the ground at how accurate it was.
The studio filled with laughter again, so I just got along with the guests’ reaction and chuckled with them.
“Eonniii, why did you reveal that? I thought we were frieeends~”. I whined at the screen, throwing myself on my leather couch. The weight of my words appearing on my chest.
“Wow! Your vocal impression of her is exactly the same!”. Jiwon-oppa jumped out of his seat and exclaimed pointing at JeA-eonni.
“No but, seriously”. She continued.
My only ally was aspiring against me, strength escaped from my extremities, all I could do was witness my own self being torn apart in front of my crush, on national tv no less.
“Dara said that since he changed his hairdo, he looks younger than recent idols”. could feel my heart sink. I didn’t realize how childish my words sounded until someone else said them.
Various text appeared on the screen “Sandara who seems blinded by love”.
“WHY WOULD THEY WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT, AIGOO!”. I protested again, slamming my feet on the couch repeatedly.
I pointed at my tv, complaining about something I couldn’t change. I hid my face behind a small pillow, but I could still view the scene happening in my head, even with my eyes closed shut.
The hosts and guests gave mixed reactions. There were some oh’s and eh’s.
“Isn’t this an exaggeration?”. Jiwon oppa turned his head and referred to me, raising his eyebrow.
At the time I fled his confused gaze creating a wall with my hands in between us. I could not look at him normally, go figures if I had the gut to glance at him in a situation like that.
It was all or nothing, I gulped hard and quickly collected my courage – or what was left of it. What I could do was just go with it and confess altogether before other embarrassing testimonies popped out from nowhere.
I wouldn’t stop blurting about him for years, every time his name left my lips, I witnessed irked expressions on my friends’ faces because of how repetitive and annoying I got. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had prepared other 50 testimonies to demonstrate my total and earnest adoration for him.
“Because he is next to me… I don’t know if I can say this…”. I muttered, keeping my hand-walls between him and me. My cheeks flushing by the minute.
I didn’t get to see his reaction while filming, it was the first time for me to actually watch how he behaved in that situation.
He looked straight in front of him, covering his mouth with one hand and listening attentively to what I was going to declare.
Joonhyung sunbae-nim smiled from to cheek to cheek like a pleased father, earnest to hear about my crush on Jiwon-oppa.
“And why do you like Jiwon-hyung?”. One of the hosts stood up and asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.
“What do you like about him?”. Repeated another female host, her eyes sparkling with great interest.
“Well… he’s handsome”.
“Where did I get the guts to say that in front of him? eottokeeee?”. I facepalmed, feeling second-hand embarrassment for the Dara on screen.
Jiwon-oppa looked away, his cheeks turning red like two big tomatoes as soon as he heard my praises. An innocent smile popped up on his lips, showing the two front teeth he usually tried to hide behind his hands. He kept fidgeting as if he did not know how to put himself. His reaction was similar to the one you’d have when someone sings you “Happy birthday”. All you can do is just witness it and be grateful, even if it’s super-embarrassing.
“Ah~ but last time, from the Pom Saeng Pom Sa era he was like this, he had a tsundere charm”.
I basically repeated what I’ve revealed on Video Star. I refused to unveil more than what was already known to the public, what was revealed was already enough.
“But in real life he’s really kind…” I finished, emphasizing on the word kind.
I knew because of the You tube date that took place a year prior. Even if he looked cold and uninterested on the outside, he was quite comforting and soft-spoken once you got to know him.
am i really saying this out loud?
I felt dumbfounded, my body wanting to explode under the constant pressure I experienced throughout the conversation.
The MC spoke up, “Did you know about her feelings?”. He asked directly to Jiwon to keep the hype up.
I finally had the strength to look at him, anticipating his response. I was curious as to how he’d react.
He sat up, reuniting his hands, and looked around the studio.
“Well...uh”. He stuttered.
He rotated his whole body towards the MC who was questioning him - “22 years sounds like an exaggeration, but… when SECHKIES reunited, she came to the concert and cheered for us”,  he indicated me with his left hand, avoiding turning my direction.
“I also really like 2NE1, because of that, I also felt really nervous and fluttering feeling…”. He finished on a high note, not giving any hints and directing the topic elsewhere, perfectly gaining control over the conversation.
“YAH, it’s weirder because you are saying it so gently!”, lamented Joonhyung sunbae-nim jumping out of his sit and pointing at Jiwon-oppa.
“YOUR TONE IS WEIRD!”. Shouted the male host.
Jiwon-oppa was known for his straight-forwardness and bold way of speaking. Him suddenly being soft-spoken caused agitation on set.
“I’ve had enough!” I whimpered. I reached for the remote to try to turn off the tv.
“YOU’RE SO STUBBORN, DAMN REMOTE”.
I hit it against the arm of the couch until the tv finally turned off.
“I gets more embarrassing the more I watch it…”, I murmured under my breath, the scene kept playing in my head in loop, line a broken record.
I got up and glanced outside my window, I really could use some fresh air to calm myself up. It was a chilly night of August, there wasn’t much movement on the street in front of my apartment.
did I really manage to say those things?
I moved towards the kitchen as I craved a big cup of green tea, maybe that could have helped with calming my nerves.
I stretched my arm to get a hold of the teabags in the cupboard on my left and patiently waited for the water to boil. The only sounds that could be heard in my flat were the ones coming from the water bubbling up in the boiler and my long and deep sighs.
I shook my head hoping to erase my memories but the mocking laugh and mixed reaction from that one episode echoed in my ears.
I was used to narrate over the top stories adding my own flare to them, it became my trademark. I was Sandara Park, the former member of 2NE1 and the one in charge of portraying absurd stories in my cutesy way.
That was different. I could already see the whole world looking down own me. The riot in my stomach was just a sign of how affected I felt because of that matter.
A week had passed from the original airing date of the episode, but I still had a hard time overcoming that river of thoughts that washed me up like a giant tsunami.
~ brbrbrbrbrbr~ tic ~
The boiler had accomplished its work. I sat on a stool in front of the island counter and started to pour the water in my red mug. It appeared as a regular mug to the eyes of strangers, but it had meaning to me.
-
Chaerin had gifted it to me when she returned from L.A. to visit. It was a hard time for her, she wouldn’t tell me at first so I invited her to stay over at my house for a couple of days; only the thought of her going through a difficult time alone made my heart shutter in a million pieces.
I started to use the mug any chance I could to demonstrate her that I appreciated her thought, a small smile would appear on her face whenever she saw me sipping from it. That same smile was like a minuscule gap in the enormous wall she was trying so hard to build around herself.
We sat right there, in front of the counter, when she revealed her honest thoughts. Her voice started trembling as she confessed to me that she wished to leave YG ent., the agency we worked together for the past 13 years. Small teardrops would fall onto the counter, forming a small puddle. I squeezed her for an unreasonable amount of time, feeling her body shudder against mine every time she sobbed. Her warmth against my skin it’s what I reminisced when sipping a hot beverage out of that L.A. red mug.
She then returned in the U.S, far from the mistreatment she received in the motherland. I couldn’t blame her because she was right. She had every right to do so and so did I. The difference between us was that she was stronger than me.
My home suddenly looked like a big cage where a lonely rabbit hops in search for an exit that doesn’t exist.
i am that rabbit.
Dadoong meowed, as if wanted to talk back to me.
“You’re not alone as long as I’m here”, something like that. Or maybe he was just hungry, that was probably the case.
I kneeled on the wooden floor and started caressing his smooth fur. “Mian~ I almost forgot about you, my cutie~”. I whispered to him.
“meowww~”. He responded closing his small like buttons yes.
“I hope that means that you’ve forgiven me haha~”.
I replenished his bowl with cat food, the sound of his paws on the wood was quite adorable. I smiled looking at him eating peacefully.
I stood up and took the mug, blowing on the hot tea to take it to a reasonable drinking temperature.
With the corner of my eyes I noticed a couple of notifications popping up on my cellphone’s screen. I slowly but steadily got towards the couch, trying hard not to tip over the tea. There was a small coffee table in front of me where I had placed my cellphone prior. I left the mug on it and picked up the phone.
I hummed – “mhh- I wonder what they’re saying about me on SNS”.
I scrolled through the news of Naver, the infamous Hun Maen Jung Eum confession being in second and third place in the “most researched” list.
“ Sandara Park Admits To Having A Crush On SECHSKIES’s Eun Ji Won For The Past 22 Years ”
I pressed on the article and started scrolling down to look at the comments beneath it.
[+510 – 2] Aww he looks so flustered, so cute ~
[+ 436 -29] Does she not know he’s a divorcee?
[+386 – 5] I hope they start dating after this~ ㅋㅋㅋ
[+203 – 76] I wonder how awkward it is between them now
[+105 – 2] Isn’t it obvious that he doesn’t like her?
[+57– 46] She is such a boring person, no wonder he doesn’t take interest in her.
[+48 – 9] ㅎㅎㅎ she confessed to have dated many celebrities and now claims to be in love with Eun Jiwon for 22 years, what a b*tch
 “Ahh, i would’ve been better off without reading this huhu~”.
The malicious comments pierced right through my confidence, unveiling all my insecurities.
It is the harsh reality, one can’t possibly hope to be liked by everyone, still, those words were like salt on an open wound. I already felt vulnerable, as if someone stole my umbrella during a storm. All the opinions were painful waterdrops cascading on my head. A few do not hurt you but one after another they lead you to madness.
I’ve had been in this harsh industry for over 10 years, but I admitted to being still too vulnerable mentally to sustain the weight of words spouted at me.
A tear travelled lonely down my cheek as I threw the cellphone down on the couch, disappointed.
I already knew he perceived me as a hoobae and not as a woman, I was aware of that. That was exactly why I was so bothered by how I came off on tv. I disliked the idea that he would think of me as a delusional fool.
I sniffed and wiped off the tear with the long sleeve of my checkered pajama.
I enjoyed admiring him from afar, supporting him without being an annoyance, liking him without the risk of getting burned. I fangirled over him with all my girl friends, as if I were a 15-year-old again but deep inside I knew my liking to him had gone a bit further than just an innocent teen crush.
I knew he had divorced too; I was crushed at the thought of him suffering like that. Witnessing the love of a lifetime whiter with his own two eyes. How could people judge him for that?
love is not easy.
nothing is.
For work I was often surrounded by handsome celebrities who wouldn’t hesitate to confess their crushes on me, I’ve always managed to keep my cool and stay professional but there I was, my hands would tremble anytime Jiwon-oppa appeared in the same room, my body flinched anytime he’d touch me, even if inadvertently. I couldn’t control the redness from expanding on my cheeks when he talked to me.
behave self.
It wasn’t news that I dated a couple of celebrities since my debut, I even revealed how we met for dates on the same episode I confessed to Jiwon-oppa. It was thrilling to hide from the reporters, every relationship felt like a spy movie.
Those romance weren’t exactly k-drama worthy. Most of the times I was just a price to be won, I knew it deep down. It wasn’t anything more than a way to fill the silence in my flat with the pounding on the walls. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that they loved me as much as I did, I was only a side event for when they were lonely.
Looking back, I wasn’t proud of my behavior. He gave me attention and I conceded him my body. I could feel his warm skin against mine, but when placing my ear to his chest, I didn’t hear his heart thumping. Relationship after relationship, the result didn’t change. Blinded by need for company I kept making the same mistake over and over again.
Bom-eonni once found me crying after one broke up with me. Reason being, he had enough of our relationship. He wasn’t wrong, it was me who expected it to be more than it actually was and ended up being disappointed.
“You’ll get hurt, please stop”. I remember her squeezing me until I implored her to stop, that eonni always ignored my weak build every time she embraced me.
“Dara don’t do this. Please”. She begged on the phone countless times because seeing me hurt like that was torture for her. She started to stay over at my place in case the man I was seeing decided to harass me.
I put a hold on dating after that, I gained control of my vulnerability for once.
Silence returned in my flat.
the life of an idol is quite lonely.
~parararing parararing - parararing parararing ~
“Dara-eonni ~ are you busy? how are you doing?”.
It was Chaerin-ah who called me.
“Hi Chaerin-ah ~ I’m doing fine… have you eaten yet? Don’t worry, I’m just chilling - I feel so tired.... ah~”.
“Honestly, lately I’ve lost my appetite”.
“How come? Force yourself to eat, even just an apple”.
I suddenly reminisced our trainee days. I was so thin compared to the other members; YG sajang-nim decided to put them all on a diet. I still felt guilty; there was nothing I could do because that was just how my body was built. I offered myself to diet alongside them, not to make them feel lonely but Bom-eonni whined at me – “You’re already so skinny, what’s the use of dieting Dara-yah?!”.
We were dubbed as ugly girl group, YG sajang-nim was the first one to call us that.  The pressure of being pretty weighted on us whenever we made a public appearance beside other girls groups or ate something that had more than 200 calories.
She ignored my advice and went on - “How do you feel?”.
“Uh? Me? I’m just fin-“.
She interrupted me – “Come on! Dara-eonni! Bom-eonni told me about you and Jiwon sunbae-nim!”. Her tone seemed pretty serious.
Moving to L.A. made it harder for Chaerin to get a hold of the news regarding entertainment in Korea. That was probably why she heard about it from someone else and got upset.
I really didn’t want to talk about that matter. I already wanted to bury myself under 6 feet of dirt and I did not want her to feel second-hand embarrassment because of my actions.
“Ah~ Chaerin-ah... I didn’t know what to do so I just went along with it... huhu~ Is it that bad?”. I asked, full of anticipation.
“It’s ok eonni, really. He’ll think of it as a joke and you’ll both laugh about it when you two will meet again”.
I really hoped that was the case; we acknowledged each other but didn’t have any opportunity to develop our friendship.
“Huhu Chaerin-ah~ Are people going to think I’m a crazy lady that keeps a Jiwon-oppa shrine in front of her bed? I read so many malicious comments…Will he avoid me after this?”.
“I knew this would bother you, that’s why I called - Dara-eonni, you should’ve told me sooner, you know I’m here for you”.
She was right. I was bothered, but I hated asking for help. Opening up became so much harder since we all moved out from the dorm we shared. If we had secrets to reveal, we would invade Bom-eonni’s room to gossip between ourselves. We used to sit on the floor to whisper about crushes and things we witnessed during music shows.
Everything I did made me reminisce the time I spent with 2NE1; I forever cherished the warmth that came being so close with the members.
“Ah~ Chaerin-ah~ Thanks for calling me”.
-
I sipped the green tea that was waiting for me on the wooden coffee table, my brows furrowed as my lips touched the cold beverage.
“Even the tea became cold… huhu~”.
I slumped back on the couch. All I wanted to do was to avoid him, as if he was pestilence himself, I didn’t want for things to get weird - I wasn’t ready to enter YG’s building only to have Teddy-oppa or Jiyong make fun of me in front of him.
~ ting ~
I remembered the real reason I actually searched for my phone in the first place; I had to check the notifications.
“Dara-ssi, I’ll fetch you tomorrow at 10 o’clock to escort you to the agency”. It was manager-nim who wrote a couple of messages to remind me of my schedule for the week.
I felt dumbfounded as I remembered Suwon-oppa telling me that Sechskies were starting to record tracks for their future comeback that day. There was no way I could avoid him when we worked in the same workplace.
I drowned my face in the pillow sitting on my couch and heaved a long sigh –
i am doomed.
 next chapter.  ⋆  masterlist. 
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hysteriamodes · 4 years ago
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After watching “Gone Girl”.
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So, uh, I have an unpopular opinion. I’m no expert on criminal investigations, I listen to a bunch of true crime podcasts, one that has a co-host, a retired detective, Paul Holes. I’m also a survivor of CSA, so I know how it goes down once you file a case to police and talked to a detective. 
I can’t really say I like this movie completely -- don’t get me wrong, it’s a good movie, but... This is not how it works, lol.
It’s hard to really take a story seriously, knowing in real life that a criminal investigation into a disappearance would involve:
- Not just interviewing the spouse/significant other, interviewing those who have been previously romantically involved with someone. - Someone would have talked to Desi - Someone would have also looked into the stalking claims against Desi and if he was supposedly doing it electronically, there would have been a paper trail. Restraining orders are really hard to get. - If you buy a car and have to drive it, you need legitimate identification, have the title singed over, and register the car in your name, so the “getaway car” just seems so unfeasible to me. You can’t drive without plates, you’d get pulled over and sellers will take the plates from you. - Also, if you look on Craig’s List, it’s on your internet history. - They also would have had search warrants for electronic devices, including computers, and would have gone through that internet history. - You can pay cash for short-term rentals or hotels, but they still require ID. - Burner phones can be traced - “No body, no crime” -- the case built against Nick is completely circumstantial. Any rational prosecutor would have tossed it out and demanded more evidence, especially if no one’s double-checking for more suspects. The amount of blood they found at the crime scene is indicative of serious injury. Blunt-force injury like that as Amy claimed what happened would leave visible bruises, even for weeks, and would also have fractures. This lady rolls up (literally) to her husband  just covered in blood and has no sign of that other than sexual intercourse. -  CSI would have probed the convenient box cutter under the pillow, while she was supposedly tied up. I mean, seriously, what the hell? - Any investigator would be dubious of Amy’s responses during that interview. According to her, she was kidnapped and held for weeks, supposedly injured, and is so unusually cool.  - In the same vein, you would have a victim’s advocate to check in on you and they too would fin that unusual.  - They would bother to check Nick’s alibis, whereabouts, and where he was, so therefore, the credit card debt would look extremely dubious. Transaction IDs wouldn’t line up if Nick was out of the house, doing his thing, and Amy is buying stuff with his credit cards while he’s at work. Just saying. - Any smart investigator would have looked at the security footage of Desi and Amy calmly strolling up through the lake house, not of her being dragged in or at least sedated. Anyone sharp enough would have noticed that.  - Desi’s phone would also have been traceable, so they would find out where he went, the casino, and there would have been security footage of Amy and Desi meeting. - Who’s to say that the people that robbed Amy didn’t notice. That woman saw through her shitty disguise and said nothing.  There was a reward posted for finding Amy; that woman also could have called into the tip line and report her stay at this hotel or whatever. - The “clues”. A sensible person would have found them oh, so, convenient.  - The “best friend” would have been interviewed, they would also disclose how long their friendship has been. - The hormone that comes up during pregnancy, that’s been diluted in water, wouldn’t be so potent enough to test... I’m still wondering what Amy’s motives were, she didn’t show Nick. She only showed her “friend” and it’s still not clear to me if the investigators checked into this. 
I guess because I’m on the aro-ace spectrum, I probably don’t appreciate what this movie says about relationships and their roles and perceptions, but my thoughts were that Amy is clearly a sociopath, she has a troubled history, and that would have came up during investigations. Not to mention, Amy is just too Perfect, to the point she supposedly outwits the FBI. These are the same folks that work in more notorious disappearances, murders, and profiling outside of a self-absorbed couple. It just reminds me that law enforcement doesn’t take women criminals a seriously compared to men. Women are just as capable of absolute sociopathy as men, though there aren’t as many sociopathic women. Women that commit murder, schemes, and behave like this operate on a completely level compared to men.
The bottom line is, women that are criminals are underestimated and that’s what I saw in this movie. Sure, Nick is an absolute asshole, but he at least was knocked down a peg to see his own faults, even going as far as saying he won’t end the marriage for the sake of his unborn child (and... don’t get me started how Amy just conveniently came up with Nick’s sperm sample, after she said to him she didn’t want kids) upon discovering he’s going to be a father.
Amy could have ended this marriage in a divorce and bled him dry of his money. She could have ceased that bar, sold it, even take his sister to court because she was a co-owner, too. And given the “Amazing Amy” books, Nick still would have been publicly humiliated and even more humiliation would have came to him. A teacher, a well-known writer, having an affair with his students? I mean, come on. His friends would dump his ass, too.
Instead, Amy over-reacts, concocts this supposed disappearance and fabricated murder, in the 21st century, where even in the mid 2010s, you are completely traceable. Amy could have disposed of evidence all she wants, but the fact remains, people are nosy as fuck and would have noticed any of this shit. Amy, realistically, wouldn’t get away with this forever; she’d be sent to prison for life.  
Amy isn’t like Thomason or Dani, she is a selfish, manipulative, and petty person. Thomason and Dani were true victims of circumstance and were so horribly traumatized, so caught up in hysteria and apathy subjected to them by men. Amy isn’t a victim; she had every chance to walk out of this, take ownership. If I was around a guy like Nick? I would have left him a long time ago. And I know that this whole movie is based on perception, but someone who’s so clearly narcissistic and so devoid of personality that she molds herself into the ideal “cool girl” would wise up and find another way, but no.
Yes, there is an argument that “women are crazy here”, but I just... I can’t. 
I found myself more frustrated with this movie, so riddled with continuity errors and that it’s so unrealistic, with a narrator that may or may not be lying to the audience, who is also Completely Prefect and Untouchable that she’s practically a Mary Sue. 
I’m also mad because there is a perception that women can make fake rape allegations and are already portrayed as conniving and scheming, and I feel like this movie just completely fed into these stereotypes. I will concede that it was likely doing that on purpose, but still, it’s not helping!  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good movie, everyone was really cool in it, and I’m sure the book is very different, but holy shit, this is like a bad episode of Law & Order: SVU.
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marshmellowmin · 5 years ago
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Rebellion pt. 1 | Mafia!Jeno AU
Okay so this is a collaboration series between myself ( @marshmellowmin ) and the author @smorechan so please support us as we continue to release more content related to our overall theme that can be found on her blog. Thank you!!!
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Jeno: Policeman. Joined the Seoul Police Department to avoid any unnecessary attention from them. Is in the running for Captain even though he’s only 20. Constantly blows away the police officers with his skills. Prefers to be around Jaemin when he’s at headquarters.
Years in Mafia: 5
Weapon of Choice: Glock 22 with laser
Body count: 7 (including the 3 in line of duty)
___
So, policy wasn’t exactly your thing. Even though that was all your family dealt with. Policies, Politics, Diplomacies, foreign affairs, homeland security - you name it, someone in your family works with it. Daughter of millionaire chaebol turned hard-ass politician, Choi Saewon, you could basically say you had it all. Money, lots of it. Friends, plenty of them to go around. Good looks, enough to shoot someone down with a glance. Brains, full of intelligence that got you accepted into KAIST. But you were missing a lot. Parental love - you saw your mother maybe twice a month. True friendship - you doubt none of the people you called “friends” knew anything more than your net worth. Discipline - now that, was out of the question. For an 18 year old freshman in college, you probably drank more than anyone you knew, probably had been high more times to count, and definitely didn’t hang around the best people when you had free time.
And that’s how you ended up here. Sitting in front of hard-ass police detective Lee Jeno as he stared you down with the smallest hint of a smirk. He sighed, running his hands through his black locks, leaning back in the swivel chair behind his desk. “You have a really bad habit of making trouble when you come from a family that only cares about public images.” To be fair, he was tired of having to clean up your mess because your family decided that if he did this, he was a shoe-in for captain during the next inter-agency election. You chuckled lowly. You stopped caring about your family’s public image ages ago-much to your mother’s dismay. You slouched in your seat and smirked at the officer in front of you. Since high school, you’ve been to this station more times than you could count and you’ve dealt with more than a few policemen. Lee Jeno has been a regular for you, since he was basically being controlled by your parents influence. Whatever he did, it was because your parents told him to do it.
“What’s it gonna be this time Officer Lee? Slap on the wrist? Phone call home? Overnight stay? Oooh or all of the above?” You had become quite close with Lee Jeno, mainly because he was the only officer who knew how to deal with you without beating your head in.
“It’s a bit of a different consequence this time Miss Choi. I’m afraid you won’t be going home for a little while. Parent’s orders.” His irritated expression turned into one of unadulterated arrogance. You could only assume that he was given permission to punish you in any way he saw fit, there was no other reason to be so cocky at the moment. “Instead, you’ll be spending the weekend following me around;  that, or I gave a warden whose willing to let you see what real life behind bars is like. Your choice?” His boot clad feet slid from the desk separating the two of you as he swung his center of mass around so he was leaning as close to you as the obstacle would let him.
“I guess you get to deal with me for the next 48 hours Officer Lee.” Mustering the brightest smile you could, you were already thinking of ways to make this Officer’s weekend more miserable than the devil himself could imagine.
Jokes on you though, because so was he.
Two hours and 20 million piles of paperwork later, Officer Lee was finally done with work. You had been bored out of your mind-and it didn’t help that the other police officers kept making disgusting comments about you. Officer Lee ordered you to sit behind his desk the whole time, and given how disgusting the rest of the officers were, you were fine staying where you were. You didn’t need an assault case on your hands. You sat behind Officer Lee’s desk and sat bored for a whole two hours.
“Alright, Miss Choi. You ready to go?” Officer Lee asked, gathering his personal things-wallet, keys, phone, the works. You nodded, seeing as he also had your bag of things from the evidence room. You figured it was best to listen to Officer Lee until you had enough leverage against him to get him to do whatever you wanted him to-which at this point, was let  you go. As soon as you two walked out of the station, Officer Lee’s phone rang. He picked up the phone and answered it very gruffly.
“What do you want? I have a job to do, Jun,” Officer Lee said, shifting his weight. It sounded like he didn’t like this Jun person. You couldn’t hear what Jun was saying, but you heard Officer Lee clear as day. “I have to accompany a juvenile for the next two days, Jun. I won't clean up your mess. Get Doyoung-hyung to do it. Don’t ‘But Jeno’ me, Huang Renjun. You screwed up. You fix it. What to you mean she’s already at my house? Why is she there? You what? Huang Renjun! Come and get your girl before this gets any worse for the rest of us. Yeah, I’m on my way. I’ll make sure she doesn’t leave before you get here. Yeah, whatever. See you.” Officer Lee hung the phone up and heaved a deep sigh. He looked at you and sighed again.
“Does this mean I don’t have to spend the next two days with you?” You asked, hopeful that  whoever this Renjun person is saved you from Officer Lee Jeno. But your hopes were crushed.
“Not a chance. You’re just gonna have to deal with some of my family drama. Also, from here on out, refer to me as Jeno, not Officer Lee. My family likes to make fun of the fact that I’m a police officer,” Jeno said, walking towards an apartment complex not far from the station. You walked behind him, not making a sound. Jeno’s life sounded complicated in many aspects.
As you approached the door, you made out a slim silhouette with slumped shoulder as they paced between the door and the wall on the other side of the hallway. Their head perked up at the sound of footsteps and you were met with a young man, no older than Jeno himself, his hair was dyed chestnut and the hopeful gleam in his eyes vanished when he saw you walking behind his friend. “What took you so long to get here?” He ran up to the two of you, pleading with Jeno to just open the door already.
“What did you do to your fiance, huh? That her only option was the hide away in a police officer’s house? I swear to god Jun, if you decided it would be funny to leave her out in the rain again and I walk in and see bullet holes in my coffee table, you are buying me a new one.” His voice was threatening as he pulled the keys out of his pocket.
“It wasn’t anything like that. We- we got into an argument okay? I don’t want her going on missions anymore. Not after what happened last time.” The poor young man was on the verge of tears, remembering the earlier fight.
“You know that wasn’t the right call Jun.” Jeno sighed, opening the door just as Renjun raced through, calling out someone’s name. You heard a female voice respond to his pleas before Jeno turned back to you. “I’m sure you are hungry, there is a good Greek diner down the street, we can go there. Plus, it would be better to leave them alone for the time being.”
He didn’t wait for you to decide before walking towards the stairs once agains and leaving you in the dust. By the time you had scaled the same set of stairs he had seconds before. He was already at the entrance of his building, typing away furiously on his phone, smiling. “Girlfriend?” You questioned, laughing as you walked past him in the direction of the blinking neon sign of a 24/7 diner.
“Best friend.” He responded dryly, shutting off his phone and walking into the diner. The diner was of a certain charm, as your mother would say. It was like a new school diner with none of the budget. All of the booths were damaged in some way shape or form, the tables were carved into like 20 times in the past day, and it smelled like burnt grease. The only real “new school” aspect was the electric menu above the counter. Everything else looked like it was out of the 50’s. How someone could spend more than five minutes in that place was beyond your comprehension. Jeno looked up at you expectantly, as if you were supposed to order for you two.
“What?”
“Aren’t you going to order?”
“No, I’ve never been here before. I don’t even know where to start!” You waved your hands frantically about your person, it was your way of dramaticising every situation. Jeno sighed heavily in annoyance and walked up to the counter.
“What’ll it be today Officer? The usual?” The man at the counter asked, leaning forward a little bit. The clerk was a greasy man and had a nasty beard that looked like it hadn’t been groomed in months.
“Make it two, one for me and one for the chick.” Jeno flatlined, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. The clerk looked over at you and smirked.
“Finally got yourself a girl, ey? You got it Officer.” You couldn’t see Jeno’s reaction to the clerks comment, but you definitely rolled your eyes and internally groaned. You? Dating Jeno? Never. The day you dated a police officer would be the day you went on the straight and narrow. Jeno waved you over to a table and sat down across from you.
“Chick huh? Didn’t think we were on such casual terms. If I had known, I’d have called you dude this whole time,” You commented, making Jeno glare at you.
“Call me dude even once and I won’t hesitate to smack you.”
“Wow. Bet you’re real fun at parties.” You mumbled, shifting your gaze to the window to your left. You were too busy staring out into the streets to notice Jeno was staring at you.
“Y/N.”
“Yeah?”
“My friend will be joining us at the house tonight, try not to do anything promiscuous, please. He has enough on his plate right now.”
“Yah! I’m not that type of person!” You kicked Jeno from under the table. You didn’t know where he got the idea that you were the promiscuous type, but you felt deeply offended that he thought that about you. He really held you to no standards.
“Ow! What was that for?” He yelled, standing up.
“What was what for?” A new voice made your ears perk up. His voice was deeper, but sounded more immature than Jeno’s. You turned and saw a man, about Jeno’s height, wearing all black. You couldn’t really see his features but you really didn’t want to. You assumed this was Jeno’s friend, so you wanted to stay as far away as possible.
“She kicked me!”
“For good reason! You called me promiscuous!” You defended, crossing your legs and turning your head away from the injured male in front of you.
“Was I wrong in saying that?”
“Yes! Very much so!” You yelled. You weren’t worried about making a scene, you Jeno, and the new guy were the only three customers in the diner.
“Jeno, you really need to practice having a filter. It really helps in avoiding situations like this.” The new guy said, pulling up a chair and sitting down at the end of the table.
“Says the guy who can’t even admit he has a crush.” This perked up your ears.
“Crush?” You repeated, turning to the new guy.
“She’s more of a celebrity crush. Doesn’t count”
“Well it depends. Have you met her?”
“I think so.”
“What would you say your personality is like?”
“Strong silent and mean type,” Jeno commented, making the new guy glare at him. “What? I’m not wrong. You threatened Mark’s not-girlfriend girlfriend  the day you met her.”
“Who?” the new guy asked, obviously confused.
“The chick who Mark will not stop complaining about? Reorganized his entire lab and now he’s bitching about not being able to find his test tubes?”
“Oh is she the really bubbly one who’s always screaming at Mark?”
“That’s the one.”
“Ah I remember now. She deserved it. Also I wasn’t in the best of moods.”
“Okay, okay, back on track here. Is Jeno’s description of your personality correct or not?” You asked, getting impatient.
“More or less, yeah.”
“Okay then if you meet her again, be distant. Don’t let her know it’s a celebrity crush.”
“How would I do that?”
“Be around, don’t hide from her. But don’t speak to her unless it’s absolutely necessary. And if you really want to be spontaneous, corner her from time to time and be really serious. LIke in Kdramas!” Jeno scoffed.
“You want him to act like he’s in a Kdrama? Him?” The new guy glared at Jeno once again.
“It doesn’t sound so bad, I’ll try it. Thanks, uh..?”
“Y/N. And you’re welcome.”
“Alright well I hate to break the wonderful conversation you two were having, but the foods done and Jun’s calling us home.” Jeno said, making eye contact with the dude to your left.
“Like home home, or your house home?” The guy asked, his tone changing.
“Home home. Johnny apparently wants us all there for the next few days.”
“What are you gonna to about Y/N?”
“I guess I have no choice but to take her. It’s not like she’s not useful or anything. Johnny should approve.”
“I’m sorry, who’s Johnny? Where am I going? What am I useful for?” You asked, making Jeno sigh.
“It’s a long story and I’ll tell you when we get home. Which by the way, will be your new home from now on.”
“I’m sorry what?”
“Long story. Let’s go.” Jeno said, grabbing the boxes of food and walking towards the door. You and the other guy followed Jeno, the other guy quickly catching up to Jeno while you walked a couple paces behind the two men. You could barely make out the conversation they were having and eventually just resorted to reading the neon signs above your head as you walked down the streets.
The boy who had been at Jenos house prior to your visit to the Greek diner met up with Jeno and the other guy as you all walked past Jenos house, his face portraying that of a broken boy. You assumed his fiance didn’t forgive him. You walked in silence as the three boys in front of you made hushed conversation. You couldn’t help but admire Jenos features, him being the easiest for you to stare at while walking. His jawline was prominent as well as his cheekbones and other facial features. His eyebrows were straight and dark, but they fit his boxy face quite well. His eyes turned into little arches when he smiled, something he didn’t seem to do while on duty. Jeno’s entire personality changed around these two guys, and it was slightly attractive to you. The hardass police officer Jeno was no more while he was with the two boys, but instead he seemed almost carefree, like that of a normal adult who just came of age. He hadn’t had the chance to change out of his work attire, but he somehow looked less official in it now.
“Y/N.” Jenos voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you realized you were standing in front of an abandoned construction site. It looked stable enough-the building was only a few storeys tall and made of brick.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t walk away from me. No matter what happens or what you’re interested in, I need you to stay by my side until you settle into a room for the night, okay?” Jeno’s commanding but tender voice surprised you. He suddenly sounded like he cared for your wellbeing, and not just because it’s in your parent’s interest.
“Okay, Jeno. Lead the way,” you said, signalling that you were ready to go inside. He nodded and opened the back door, allowing the two boys to go in first and then you, Jeno following you in soon after. Your eyes were met with a basic hotel lobby with a front desk, old benches, an elevator, and a door to the staircase. Jeno grabbed your arm and led you to the elevator, where the two boys were waiting for you. They pressed the button labeled “B” and with that, you all went down to the basement of the old building. As soon as the doors to the elevator opened, your eyes bugged out of your head. The elevator went straight into a living room like space that had dark hardwood floors and white couches with glass coffee tables and white walls that were decorated with graffiti and pieces of modern art. There were multiple hallways leading away from the living room, one leading to a visible kitchen and dining area. The room was filled with people-more men than women-who all had their eyes on you.
“Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, how nice of you all to join us. And Jeno even brought along an extra! Our girls should be pleased to have another girl joining them. Please, take a seat. The meeting is about to begin.” The man at the front of the room said, motioning for the four of you to sit and listen to the meeting that was in progress. Jeno led you to a spot near a graffitied “love kills” along the back wall of the room and made you stand beside him the whole time. One of the girls sitting on the couch in front of you shot you a sympathetic look before turning back to face the man who seemed to be in charge of this congregation of people.
“As you all may know, besides the lovely young lady in the back whom I have yet to meet, we are in the middle of a power struggle. China wants to limit all of their exports to the other countries and Korea doesn’t want to have to pay the tariffs on all of their Chinese imports. So, naturally we interfered with this process and now we have to pay the price. One of China’s biggest mafias attacked one of our own while on a job, and now we must protect ourselves and each other from this threat. She will now come up and explain the details of this mafia that attacked her. I expect you all to listen well.” The man ended his speech and sat down, a woman about Jeno’s age replaced his position at the front of the room.
“Thank you, Johnny. Yes, I was attacked by a chinese mafia no more than a week ago while completing a job that forced me to travel to China. I was to execute a corrupt businessman who had been in the child labor industry for years now. I missed my chance while he was in Korea due to personal issues and I was determined to complete my mission. So I followed him to China and executed him there. I had just called the local members to help clean up the body when I saw movement from my left peripheral. Immediately, I engaged the men in combat and barely escaped without much harm done to myself. The men who attacked me are apart of the Chinese Mafia, simply named, and consider themselves rivals of S-NCT and NCT-116. As of right now, our members of NCT-116 are gathering intel on the Chinese Mafia. We don’t know much, and until we do, watch each other’s backs. We’re gonna need everyone’s help and lord knows we don’t need to lose any one of us to this. Stay safe and good luck, that is all.” The woman ended her speech and was replaced by the man from before, Johnny was what the woman called him.
“She is right, everyone. So please, watch each other’s backs and for the love of god don’t die. Meeting adjourned. Yong?” Johnny looked towards a man with red hair. The man stood up and made a weird sign with his hands-a sign that everyone else replicated.
“To the world!” The red haired man yelled.
“NCITY!” The rest of the room responded, and with that, everyone dispersed. Jeno grabbed your wrist and led you to Johnny, who was still at the front of the room. Johnny watched you intently, as if he were deciding what to do with you. You suddenly felt extremely insecure, as you were wearing a ripped Rolling Stones tee and baggy ripped mom jeans with your hair in a messy bun. You weren’t exactly “presentable” for a meeting with a leader of some sort of mafia cult thing.
“So Jeno, what has our resident officer brought in today? A druggie? Maybe a dealer? OH! I know! A graffiti artist! Sorry to say Jeno, but I think the walls are filled with enough graffiti from Renjun and Chenle,” Johnny said, slapping Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno just rolled his eyes and pulled you in front of him-putting his hands on both of your shoulders.
“Johnny-Hyung, meet Choi Y/N. Choi Y/N, meet Johnny-hyung. He’s S-NCT’s leader and basically the most embarrassing dad you will ever meet. I think you’ll be of much use-you know, with your impressive criminal skills.” Jeno gently pat your left shoulder and left. He actually left you alone with a mafia leader. Typical Jeno.
“Well that was rude of him. Anyways, as you already know, I’m Johnny and I’m the leader of S-NCT. Is there anything you need me to clarify before I go into details about what you just bore witness to?” Johnny asked and you shook your head. You had inferred all your information, but you figured it was correct. You usually were. “Then sit down girl, cause you’re gonna be here a little while. I’ve got a lot to catch you up on.”
Twenty minutes later and Johnny finally finished explaining to you just what caused the meeting and you felt a strange anger towards the Chinese Mafia. You had also figured out that the girl who was attacked by the Chinese Mafia was Renjun’s fiance and a sniper from another Korean Mafia, K-251. Now, Johnny was asking about your skills and criminal offenses.
“Obviously, a criminal record means next to nothing here. But I need to know what you did so I can position you accordingly,” Johnny said, taking a sip from the water bottle he had a boy named Chenle grab him-much to Chenle’s reluctance.
“Position me?” You questioned, something you had become very comfortable with doing. Jeno was right when he called Johnny an embarrassing dad. You felt very at home here-more than you ever felt in your own home.
“Skill wise. Mark and Chenle are the IT guys, Renjun’s our sniper, Jeno’s our undercover intelligence, and Jaemin’s an assassin. Does that make a little more sense?” You nodded along, everything coming together in your mind. Jeno’s position was to gather intelligence on the police for the Mafia and possibly keep the police off the Mafia’s trail. It made sense once you thought about it.
“I think I understand. My dad is Choi Saewon, and my mom does youth programs everywhere. So I’m very well trained in politics and all that good stuff. But I hate it so I rebel. I go to major keggers at the frat house near the community college and I do whatever I can to ruin my image. I don’t want to be seen as the ‘Perfect daughter’ anymore. I’m more than my mother and my father will ever be. I attended KAIST because my dad wanted me to become an engineer because, and I quote, I have a ‘natural affinity for the world’s mathematical problems’, unquote.” You explained, sipping your water that Johnny ordered Chenle to grab for you.
“Interesting. So I could put you in IT with MArk and Chenle if that would be favorable for you, or I could have you work alongside Doyoung, S-NCT’s resident politician,” Johnny leaned forward in his seat, putting his elbows on his knees to support his upper body. This surprised you. Kim Doyoung, famous politician and bachelor, was apart of a mafia?
“Could I possibly just to my own thing? I’m an excellent escape artist and I’m a trained street fighter,” You said folding your arms over your chest. Johnny smirked and stood up.
“I was hoping you would say that. Well, Choi Y/N, welcome to S-NCT. I’ll have Jeno show you around and I hope you enjoy your life here from now on. We’re like a big family and now you’re apart of it too. So stay safe and stick to Jeno like glue. I’m sure he’ll protect you.” Johnny said, bringing you in for a hug. Your dad never showed you this much affection-ever. You were grateful for Johnny and his acceptance of your character. As Johnny released the hug, you saw Jeno turn the corner and walk into the sitting room. “Speak of the devil! Jeno! I have assigned you to take care of our newest recruit, I trust you won’t let her-or myself-down?” Johnny said, winking at Jeno, which made Jeno playfully hit Johnny’s arm.
“You got it Hyung. I wouldn’t dare let the famous Choi daughter come to any harm.” You suddenly felt a pang in your chest. Jeno only saw you as Choi Saewon’s daughter, his one way ticket to Captain of the police force. It stung.
“Jeno. She’s not just Choi Saewon’s daughter. She’s S-NCT’s resident escape artist, street fighter, and engineer. She’s Choi Y/N of S-NCT and I expect you to treat her as such.” Johnny said, giving Jeno a deadly glare that terrified the two of you. You finally understood just how Johnny became leader and kept the position.
“Yes of course, Hyung. My mistake.” Jeno said nervously. He avoided eye contact with you and lead you down a hallway and into the kitchen. “This is the kitchen and um yeah. Anyways that's the dining room and just down that hall is the gun range. Up those stairs is Johnny’s office, Mark’s lab, and Doyoung’s office. This way leads to our dorms and bathrooms 1-3. Go down this hall a little bit more and you’ll reach the gym and music room-yes we have one of those. Music nights are a bit of a tradition here. Down here is all of our guest rooms and yes, we have guest rooms and I’m glad we do because we’ve been getting a lot of new recruits lately. They all stay here so we’ve deemed this hall ‘Newbieland’. This is also where you will be staying when you’re here. Over that way is Jungwoo-hyung’s garden-it’s his favorite place to be so should you ever need to find him he’s probably there. So coming back to the living room, just over that way is the elevator that you will use should you enter through the front. The back door is through Jungwoo-Hyung’s garden and our garage is below. Um, anything else you’d like to know before I send you to bed?” Jeno rambled on and on before finally ending his tour. Thankfully, you were staying apart from him in this somehow huge underground space.
“Yeah, just one. What will I wear to bed tonight and for the day tomorrow? This is all I have,” You asked, gesturing to your worn out clothes. Despite being the daughter of a wealthy politician, you had to fend for yourself when it came to clothes and other luxury items. Your father forbid you from using what he called the “family money”, which only proved to you that he had no intention of associating with you now that you’ve become an adult. Which begged the question, why did he care if you spent a few months in jail or not?
“Someone should have spare clothes. Taeyong just took Mark’s not-girlfriend girlfriend shopping so she should have something, you two seem to be of the same size.” Jeno said, grabbing your arm and leading you to “newbieland”. He knocked on a door in the middle of the hall on the left that had been decorated lightly with pencil sketches around the handle and about eye level for you. A girl who was about your height opened the door in a tank top and mint green pajama pants that were covered in pandas.
“Yes, Jeno? How can I help you?” She said, opening the door completely to show off her messy room. Shopping bags were strewn everywhere and clothes lay on just about every piece of furniture besides the desk and the desk chair. It was chaotic but pleasing to know that you weren’t alone in your lazy habits.
“This is Y/N, she’s a new recruit but she has nothing. She needs to borrow some clothes for tonight and tomorrow.” Jeno said curtly, pushing you into the room. You glared at him and smiled at the girl.
“Y/N! Hi my name’s Y/F/N and I joined a few weeks ago. I’m the newest recruit so far in the sense of I had no prior affiliations. If we were going off of time here, Renjun’s fiance would be the newest but she’s very skilled and brings alot to the team so I don’t consider her as new as I am. I do hope we can be friends?” Y/F/N introduced. She seemed to ramble a lot but that really didn’t matter to you. You were happy to have a friend who didn’t know your net worth.
“Of course! Now about the clothes? Also, hun, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m brand new, so you aren’t the newest recruit anymore. And I’m sure you bring just as much to the team as Renjun’s fiance. Don’t doubt yourself. It’s your worst enemy,” You smiled and walked into the messy room. Y/F/N smiled as well and ruffled through a pile on her bed, pulling out a tank top identical to hers and a pair of pink shorts with white polka dots. Not really your style but you were happy to accept something to sleep in that wasn’t jeans.
“These should fit, if not just come on back and I’ll find something else! And if you need something to wear tomorrow then just stop by around eight and I’ll find something for ya.” Y/F/N said, handing you the pajamas. You smiled at her gratefully.
“Thank you so much Y/F/N. I haven’t had a real friend in a while, and I hope we become good friends. I’m gonna go put these on now, have a goodnight!” You said, pulling her in for a hug, which she gladly accepted.
“Of course girlie! We gotta stick together if we’re gonna survive these pugnacious boys! Goodnight hun!” She shut the door behind you and suddenly you were alone with Jeno once again.
“You know, Y/N, I think you’ll fit in just fine while you’re here.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?”
“You’re a misfit looking for a family. That’s half of the people here, too. We all found a family here in the mafia, despite it’s obvious dangers. We all care about each other deeply and we’ll do anything to make sure we all come home from dangerous jobs in one piece. Jun’s girl almost didn’t come back and it hurt all of us. Another member, Xiaojun, he’s been in a hospital for a while and was in a coma. Taeil, the oldest member here, grieved him the most. Xiaojun’s accident was hard on everyone, especially since it was his first mission. We love and care for everyone who lives in this bunker, you’re now included. I hope you can find it in your heart to love us all the way we love each other, and the way we’ll love you.” Jeno looked at you, sadness in his eyes.
“Thank you, Jeno. I think I’ll like it here a lot. I’m glad you brought me here.” You said, giving Jeno a small smile-which he returned. Jeno had never smiled at you and it made your heart skip a beat. Maybe, just maybe, your heart had been melted by this hard ass cop.
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lonely-bored-writer · 5 years ago
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Is Everything Okay? Ch. 9
Danny jumped up with a start. He blinked away the grogginess that laid in his eyes, trying to catch what it was that woke him up so roughly. His hands landed on a wet spot on the bed, looking down his eyes widened. His gaze fell onto his chest, and a groan escaped him. Blood drenched the bandage around his chest, and the sheets on the bed. Rolling onto his back with wince, he paused, taking a deep breath.
He still felt immensely tired, but he knew his alarm should be going off soon enough. His eyes fell once more on the stained sheets, his mind racing on what he should do. He could phase the blood out, but where would he put it? Pulling himself into a sitting, shaking his head clear of the tired foggy that began to gather again. He gathered the medical supplies back together from where they scattered.
He felt the throbbing radiating from his chest, grimacing at the feeling of the bandage peeling away from the torn skin. Danny scowled himself for being an idiot, he should have worked this properly, rather than just throwing a gauze over it. He rolled up the soiled wrap, placing it by the sheets, grabbing a cotton ball he covered it in rubbing alcohol and worked to cleaning the wound.
The sharp burn that erupted on contact only weaseled a tiny wince from the teen. The feeling was all too familiar to him, his movements all done robotically from muscle memory. His mind drifting to random thoughts before his realized something, a groan escaped him. He didn't finish his homework, and he's been doing so well these past three days.
"Daniel?" A knock sound at his door, causing the teen to jump, the rubbing alcohol fell to the floor. Danny was never so glad that he closed it before it fell. "What was that? Can I come in?"
"No!" Danny yelped, startled that Lancer was up. His alarm didn't go off... Danny cursed himself, leave it to him to set the alarm for PM rather than AM. "uh, no. I'm okay... I'll-"
"Bridget Jones' Diary!" Lancer gasped, his eyes glancing between Danny's bandaged chest, and the blood soak sheets and cotton balls near him. Danny took on a dear caught in headlights look, eyes widened in fear.
"I-I-I can explain!" Danny jumped from the bed, every part of him was yelling at him to run. To just turn around and phase out through the wall. He pushed down the very instinct to turn invisible, Lancer didn't need to start questioning how the teen disappeared before his eyes.
"What happened? Masters is in custody, who did this?" Lancer stepped into the room. "We need to get you to the hospital-"
"No!" Danny furiously shook his head. "It was just a scratch, it's not as bad as it seems. That just, uh, gathered overnight."
"Overnight?! You came back injured?!"
"No... I, um, snuck out after dinner..." Danny trailed, his gaze dropped to the floor, a hand rubbing the back of his neck while his other wrapped across his chest. "We were just... We-"
"Daniel, tell me who did this." Lancer's tone made anxiety flare in Danny. There was no way he was getting out of this.
"We ghost hunt, okay." Danny sighed defeated, he wrapped his arms around his abdomen and kept his eyes downcast. "My-My parents aren't the best, and Phantom can't be everywhere so when Sam, Tuck and I helped him once, we got him to let us help him on night patrols."
"Is that why? Did Masters really-"
"Yes!" Danny's eyes landed on Lancer, his eyes hard with truth. "Vlad did like to beat the crap out of be whatever chance he did... usually during the patrols but I couldn't just let the town get overrun by ghosts!"
"Daniel, this is dangerous, you could get seriously injured. This isn't a game." Lancer's face clearly showed his concern. His hands motioning to the blood covered bedding. "Did you not think I would find out?"
"My parents never did." Daniel mumbled, his eyes flickered downwards. "Just, let me do this?"
"Daniel-"
"No, look. I can balance this. Vlad was what messed everything up, but I can do this." Danny pleaded. Even though he knew Lancer couldn't truly stop him, he would try. He was staying with the teacher, he needed to at least have his permission.
"Two conditions." Lancer sighed after a moment of silence. Danny's nod prompted him to continue. "First, if it starts to take a large toll on you physically or mentally, you will take a break. Second, if you get injured like this again, you come to me. Deal?"
"Yes, yes." Relief flooded the teen's features, causing a small smile to slip its way onto Lancer's face. "Thank you"
"And he's just okay with us hunting ghosts?" Sam asked, doubt evident on her face. Danny shrugged, pulling a book from his locker. The trio crowded around their lockers, going over the events of that morning.
"And he insisted to drive you?" Tucker added.
"I'm telling you, it's like Lancer is naturally a protective parent." Danny closed his locker, turning to his friends.
"Now we know that the ghost hunting excuse would work just fine." Tucker urged, his face trying to communicate the words he didn't want to say.
"What?" Danny questioned, the trio sharing goodbyes as Sam parted from them.
"Dude, you should take up Clockwork's offer." Tucker exasperated, throwing his hands in the air. Danny sighed and shook his head, the duo pausing in front of Danny's class.
"No Tuck." Danny shook his head again to emphasize his point. "Unless something extremely unfix-able pops up, I'm not doing it."
"Okay man." Tucker put his hands up in a surrender form. "I just hope it all goes well." Tucker offered a smile, before the two shared farewells. Danny sighed, walking into the classroom and flashed his teacher a small smile. He found himself in the back of the classroom, eyes glued to the blank notebook before him. Keeping his ears trained on the ticking of the clock, rather than the gossip around, waiting for class to start. Also waiting for when he won't be the hottest gossip.
"Hey Fenton." Danny looked up startled to find Dash taking the desk next to him, the blonde smiling at him.
"Hey Dash" Danny nodded, offering his own small smile. Ever since the first meeting at the park, the two created a small friendship, although this is the first time any of them confronted the other at school.
"Everything good?" Danny could clearly see concern in Dash's blue eyes. Daniel nodded, his smile staying on his lips.
"Yea, just a little weird... Ya know?"
"Figure staying with a teacher would be." Dash nodded. Danny was going to retort back when the final class bell rang, cutting the conversation to an end. Leaving Danny's sentence unspoken...
Thursday evening, and Friday went by without too much of a hitch. Most of Daniel's issues came from ghosts who have finally decided to comeback, but never answer Danny on why they left in the first place. He hasn't gotten any new cuts that would need Lancer's attention. He planned to keep up his side of the deal they made... Only if he was bleeding.
Now, Danny found himself pacing back and forth waiting for Smith to tell him he can go in to see his sister and mum. Four days have passed since the last day he had seen either of them, well he noticed Jazz in the halls but she usually steered clear of him. Which he couldn't blame her, he knew she would do anything to keep the case from being corrupted.
"You keep pacing like that you'll pace yourself a hole." Anderson joked, his eyes stayed glue to the magazine in his hands. The teen huffed, flopping into chair of the waiting room. "You'll be in soon."
"Not soon enough-"
"You can go in." Danny jumped up, following Smith towards the room. Tears pricked at his eyes, a lump forming in his throat. "I was able to pull a few strings so that you guess can have your privacy." Daniel looked up shocked, a smile sliding on his lips.
"Thank you, that's-that means a lot." If Smith heard the slight crack in his voice, or the watery affect the pushed back tears had on his vocals, she didn't mention it. Instead, she rested her hand on his arm and gave him a smile.
"Good Luck." Danny thanked her again before opening the door and stepping in. The tears slide down his face when his eye's landed on the tired faces of his family, dark bags cleared under their eyes.
"I-I'm so-so sorry!" Danny cried, pulling the two of them in a hug. The guilt that had been building, and released a little with his father, came crashing on him. "I got dad arrested!"
"Sh" Maddie soothed her child, it broke her heart to see her baby boy hurting. It broke her heart more knowing that it has been happening for some time and she never noticed. "It's not your fault. It's the awful man, Vlad Masters. Your not to blame."
"Danny, none of this is your fault. It's basic victimology, but you caused none of this." Jazz ran her hand through his hair, her own tears stayed at bay while his mother cried her heart out.
It took a few minutes. The trio just stood there crying, Jazz gave into her tears after a few seconds of holding back. Danny felt his heart clenching knowing that he was the cause of his always strong sister cracking.
"Why aren't you guys staying at home?" Danny question when the three migrated to the table in the room. "The signs off..."
"We figured any evidence they might think could be there won't be tampered with if we stayed somewhere else." Jazz answered. "I won't be telling you where little brother , because knowing you you'll try to visit." The three chuckled softly.
"Where have you been?" Maddie asked, not being able to bring herself to finish the sentence.
"I, uh, first stayed at a holding home." Daniel informed, wringing his hands underneath the table. "The agents were asking who would take me in, and Mr. Lancer said he could. I started staying with him on Wednesday."
"That's nice of him." Maddie smiled. "Remind me to get him a gift basket."
"No ectoplasm please." Jazz retorted, dragging a chuckled from Danny.
"Have you seen dad?" Danny questioned, regretting it when the mood darkened. "I went to, um, see him the other day..."
"We did." Jazz nodded.
"We actually went yesterday." Maddie added, a small smile fell on her lips. "He was ecstatic you came to visit."
"Of course I did, Smith and Anderson are trying to keep contact minimal." Danny mumbled the last part, his eyes falling onto the table.
"Danny-"
"I'm so sorry to interrupt." Smith called from the now open door. "I know you three still have half an hour left, but there has been an emergency."
"What happened?" Maddie jumped from her seat. A sense of dread filled Danny, curling tightly around the knot that already sat in his stomach. The dread mingled and entwined with the depression and Anxiety that already sat there, causing a much more intense fury of emotions. He swallowed thickly, his eyes never leaving the concerned, and worried look on the agent's face.
"It's-It's your husband." Smith rushed, she was flushed in her cheeks. Her whole posture and face screamed she was in a rush, screamed that something tragic happened. "He's been-He's been stabbed. He's at the hospital."
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venus-is-in-bloom · 6 years ago
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[deltarune spoilers] on Susie
okay i'm gonna do my best to stay objective here and not biased towards my favourite character in the game, but there's a couple of observations i really wanna make about Susie, and i'll do my best to format them well.
i. despite appearances, Susie is not a habitual bully.
of course, this doesn't really change the fact that she slammed Kris into a locker or beat up a bunch of people in the dark world. but there's quite a bit of evidence that she usually doesn't hurt the kids around her.
the main thing is some very pointed dialogue with Monster Kid in the final walkaround. they tell you how bad Susie is, but for some reason, the worst example they can think of is when she was kind of quiet and then accidentally kicked a ball into Undyne's car. by the sound of it, Undyne wasn't even mad. it seems like, if Susie usually threatens to eat people's faces off and make them do her homework... somehow the news hasn't gotten around? none of the other kids seem to have any idea about anything Susie might have done wrong, either. i think that's why Kris gets angry on her behalf—they recognise that, at least in one respect, Susie is like them: a social outcast, and mocked for being one.
of course, bullies—including school bullies—are not usually insecure, "troubled", isolated kids lashing out, as the rhetoric often goes, but are more likely to be socially skilled and very experienced, often manipulating and exploiting the people around them. (here's one source that covers a variety of factors, and has links to more.) given this, it's surprising that Susie falls so much into the former category, and it's part of why i feel she doesn't quite fit the label of "bully", used in its strictest sense.
again, we can't forget that she's done a lot to mistreat the people around her. but apart from how she treated Kris at the start, she shows neither experience nor interest in taking advantage of anyone. she self-isolates, refuses to cooperate with people, and never does anything except to drive the people around her away. almost as soon as she meets Lancer, though, her tune changes.
ii. Susie is badly in need of support, physically and emotionally.
this seems kind of obvious, and about the middle of the game Susie pretty much says it, but let's get into it anyway!
it's when Susie meets Lancer that we see the first signs of sentimentality in her. Lancer is younger than her, talkative, naïve, and friendly—but unlike Ralsei, he looks up to her. and when he thanks her, she has absolutely no clue how to react.
this ties into an earlier point—it would have been easy for a different person to take that praise in stride, and to use Lancer's high opinion to get favours and money (he's a prince after all!) while giving nothing back to him but the coolness of getting to be the friend of some one with such an evil laugh. in fact, you'd expect that kind of behaviour from some one who threatens people into doing group projects for them, right?
but Susie takes to Lancer like a cat to a keyboard in use. she's always around him, she does whatever he does, and she never puts him down, abandons him, or blames him for their failures. she owns all their projects despite them being apparently as different as night and day. they get along because they both genuinely like and want to be liked by each other. it's a beautiful friendship, even when they're kind of trying to beat up Kris and Ralsei?
anyway.
i feel there's strong evidence that all this is because Lancer is the first person in a long, long time to show Susie any positive attention. (bear in mind that—while Ralsei is genuinely a sweet and good person—all he's done at that point is try and cajole her into not defending herself!) that's why it gets through her armour so easily when he praises her, and when she thinks he's betrayed her. that's why she jumps to join his side, and that's why at every juncture after that she thinks of his wants and needs first. that bond is instrumental in getting Lancer to help the three of them, but it's also instrumental in getting Susie to come around to Lancer's unfailing positivity, and to compromise with the more hopeful outlook that Ralsei has.
as a bit of a side note, there's some indication that Susie isn't doing so well physically either. her clothes in the light world are ragged, her pants have holes, and while it's possible that that's a fashion statement, she also mentions that she "hasn't had anything for breakfast but chalk"—she's eating it because she's hungry. what's her home situation? who knows?
iii. Susie's cruel and violent actions are a defence mechanism.
this again feels really obvious, but it's interesting how it ties into certain ideas about self-defence and fighting in the original Undertale.
Susie fights people. she fights them until their hp runs out—in Deltarune, this means until they run away, and that's a crucial difference from Undertale, where you could absolutely kill people without giving them a chance to flee.
Susie threatens people, turns down their help, turns down their kindnesses and insults anything they offer her. (until Lancer, that is.)
and she basically never seems to want anything in doing this, except to get other people to leave her alone. even what she did to Kris makes sense in this light—she immediately assumes that they're going to tell on her, and given the attitudes of some of the other kids, that's maybe not unreasonable. she threatens them until she's convinced herself that they wo'n't, and as a final note, she makes sure they wo'n't have any reason to talk to her or ask her for anything. it's still a nasty thing to do! but it makes sense.
when the two of them fall into the dark world, Susie goes on a bit of a rampage, fighting off anyone in her way—soldiers, that is. even if they're unwilling soldiers, they still fight, they still try to kill her for being a lightener—and she fights back, until they give up and run away.
she thinks she can threaten Lancer into doing the same, since he's the leader of the forces trying to kill them, and she gets the surprise of her life.
(shame on her for devouring that cake so messily, though. i know she was starving, and it recovers hp, but she could at least have apologised afterwards...)
she doesn't just fight when it works—during the first k. crown battle, no matter how much it heals, she keeps on attacking. no matter how much she's hurt, she keeps on attacking. afterwards, she refuses to believe that she was in the wrong—it's not just that it's worked so far, it's also that she needs it to always work, to always have worked... until she's finally opened up enough to trust, to acknowledge, that there might be another way.
* ♥ *
in summary! i believe that Susie at the start of Deltarune is genuinely a mean and unpleasant high school kid—mistrustful and misanthropic and vulnerable, inclined to hurt the people around her so that they wo'n't hurt her first. but from the start, she's also able to change. she has kindness and compassion and love inside her, carefully protected and never used. from the beginning, she's not the kind of person who wants to take advantage of others. she's afraid, angry, bitter, and badly in need of a friend. i love her.
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mayquita · 6 years ago
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You’re My Best Friend (1/4)
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I know, I know, I'm the worst. I should be working on one of my multiple wips, but instead, I have not only decided to write this story but I've turned it into a new wip. This was meant to be a little story, written as a birthday gif for my best virtual friend, Sara, but as usual, I got carried away and the small one-shot has become a multichapter.
Maybe I should wait to post the full story, but I think @saraswans deserves more for her birthday than a simple imageset, so here's at least the first part. (Still, this comes ten days late) As good news, the second part is almost finished, I will post it at the end of the week. The bad news, I don't know when I will be able to finish the rest, but I will try to make it as soon as possible.
(This is unbeta'd, so I apologize in advance for the many mistakes and nonsense)
Summary:  Emma shares her passion for Queen with her best friend Killian, with her son and with the rest of her friends. What will happen when Henry encourages them to participate in a Queen karaoke party? Will Emma (or Killian) finally dare to express her (or his) hidden feelings through the lyrics of a song?
Rating: T — Words count: ~1500 — A03 — Ffnet
Special Queen Karaoke party at The Rabbit Hole.
Don't miss it!
"We have to go, mom!" Henry almost shouted, bouncing excitedly in his seat, while holding the flyer with one hand and putting it right in front of Emma's eyes.
Emma and her son were in Granny's sharing their traditional Sunday brunch with the rest of their friends. Henry had not only gotten flyers for her, but he also was handing out one for each of them, while hastily commenting on ‘ how cool it would be to get on stage and pretend to be Freddie Mercury for once.’
She wasn't surprised that her friends welcomed the news of the event with enthusiasm while humming in approval. In fact, if there was something that her group of friends had in common, it was their passion for Queen, a passion that her twelve-year-old son had also acquired and that had even increased after watching Bohemian Rhapsody, the movie, a few months ago. Since then, Queen's songs played at all hours both in her apartment and in her car.
Emma had even come to almost lose interest sometimes. After hearing the same songs over and over again, it was as if, somehow, Queen's magic had begun to fade, becoming a repetitive background sound. That weird feeling hardly lasted, though. It could always be worse. Henry could be a reggaeton fan or whatever the latest style of music was, Emma reminded herself, wrinkling her nose in disgust and turning up the player's volume even more, letting the lyrics of Don't Stop Me Know drag any vestige of another kind of ‘music.’
"Henry's right, I don't even remember the last time we went out together at night. It will be fun." Of course, Mary Margaret would agree with the plan, both her words and the wide smile that appeared on her face making it evident.
"And my dear granny can babysit Leo and Roland." Ruby added pointing to the smaller children. Leo, David and Mary Margaret's son, was one of the reasons why they had reduced their nights out. The adorable baby was barely eight months old and kept his parents busy and exhausted all the time.
Roland, on the other hand, was Robin's five-year-old son, David's best friend. Robin's wife, Regina, had adopted him shortly after their marriage — his first wife had passed away when Roland was just a baby — and now the three of them formed a cute little family.
Ruby, Emma herself, and her best friend Killian —who wasn't there yet, by the way— remained the only singles in the group. Although all of them had known each other for many years, the new additions made it increasingly difficult for them to relive their wild nights from the past, having to settle for Sunday brunch instead. But at least they managed to meet once a week, without exception. That was something Emma valued more than anything, after so many years living alone, with no one to care about her, or no one to take care of. Until Henry arrived, that's it.
For that reason, the idea of spending a night with friends, without responsibilities while enjoying their favorite music was too tempting to turn it down. The possibility of seeing Killian take the improvised stage to perform some of her favorite songs, even if it was a karaoke version, was a bonus that she could not ignore.
Only when her son started talking again, trying to choose the most appropriate song for each of them, Emma realized that she might not be able to witness the event. She shook away the incipient sense of disappointment with a subtle movement of her head, deciding to act instead as the responsible mother she was (or that she should be at least)
"Sorry, kid, but I'm afraid we're not going to make it."
Henry's head snapped around looking for her, the confusion marked on his face. "We? How's that?"
"You're twelve buddy, which means you're not allowed to be in a bar at night, and since your potential babysitters will be all there, I'm afraid we're going to have to reject the proposal."
A flash of disappointment crossed his face, his brow furrowed while he hurried to whine, "But mom, it's a Queen tribute karaoke! We have to go! We need to go!" His lips drew a dramatic pout as he put his hands together as a sign of prayer. Emma should have imagined that Henry wasn't going to give up so easily. She was about to reply when Ruby got ahead of her.
"I'm sure Granny won't mind watching him, even he can help her with the little ones." She offered while she ruffled Henry's hair in an affectionate gesture.
Before answering, Emma saw out of the corner of her eye how her son pulled out his phone and started typing. A few seconds later, a wide grin blossomed on his face. "Problem solved. Avery has offered to have a sleepover in his house, so mom, don't worry, I may not go, but you're going."
"Where are we going?" Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Killian's voice. Her face turned automatically in the direction of the sound to find her best friend had just arrived. Although his lips drew a soft smile the moment their gazes met, the dark circles under his eyes and some deep lines of expression indicated the tiredness accumulated after having to get up early on Sunday.
She also didn't overlook his deliberate use of the ‘we ’, as if they were part of the same pack. Well, to be honest, where was the lie? Except for sleeping —even they had slept together on some occasions. Just sleep — and working, they did almost everything together. That's what best friends were for, to share the good and not so good moments, right?
He approached their booth, dropping into the seat next to her and letting out a heavy breath.
"You're late. Tough session, I suppose?" Robin asked.
"It has been a bloody nightmare." Killian ignored the disapproving glances that both Regina and Mary Margaret directed at him and continued talking after a short pause. "Anyone remind me why I teach sailing to preteens." Realizing his mistake, Killian addressed Henry immediately. "Don't take it personally, lad, you're much smarter and well educated than all those spoiled brats."
"Teaching sailing is your passion." David reminded him.
"And in your own words, young people assimilate information much better because they have fewer concerns in their minds." Emma quoted. It was true, Killian's passion for the sea and sailing was well known to all of them, as well as his extraordinary patience when he tried to pass on his knowledge to little children.
Most of the young students adored him — and also many of their mothers and some fathers, by the way. — Emma had witnessed several displays of affection and admiration from them. But she better than anyone else knew that sometimes children could be exasperating.
"Okay, okay, I get it." He sighed as leaned even more against the back of the seat. "It's easy to forget it sometimes, especially when two of those little scoundrels decide to get into a fight for any nonsense." Killian dragged a hand down his face and rubbed at the scruff on his jaw as if he wanted to erase the vestiges of the previous altercation. "Anyway, now that the nightmare has finally ended, I prefer to occupy my mind with something more agreeable. So where are we going?"
Henry handed him one of the flyers as he explained. "It's in two weeks from now, and we've all agreed to go."
His face lit up as his eyes fell on the flyer, though he quickly schooled his features, directing a glance at Henry through his narrowed eyes."We?" His gaze drifted for a second to Emma as he arched an eyebrow subtly. She replied with an almost imperceptible shake of her head. One more sign of their unwavering friendship was the ability to understand each other without the need to talk, she thought as a warm sensation spread through her body. "I'm afraid you won't be able to join us this time, my boy."
"Oh, come on, Killian! It's a karaoke party! With Queen songs!"
He was persistent, she would give him that. But he was also behaving in a somewhat manipulative way, trying with Killian since he knew in advance that he had a soft spot for her son. "Nice try, buddy, but don't forget that you already have plans with Avery."
"Fine," He huffed, raising his arms and then dropping them in an over-dramatic gesture. "But since I'm not going to go, at least I'll need graphic proofs of what will happen."
That she could guarantee. She would be in charge of taking pictures and videos, since she wouldn't sing. It didn't matter that Queen was her favorite band, that she would be surrounded by friends or that it would be nothing more than karaoke. No way was she going to get on top of an improvised stage to perform. That wasn't happening.
//
The Henry of this story is a little inspired by my own son, who is also twelve years old and a little obsessed with Queen (just like his mother...)
A tiny teaser from the next chapter: "It's a shame, because there's a song that suits you perfectly."
Thanks for reading :)
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mbtinsanity-blog · 6 years ago
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Why I’m Actually Into Myers Briggs
I was one of those kids that took silly online quizzes just because I wanted to know what they would say about me and what that could mean. I knew rationally that the outcome didn’t have any real meaning, but it was fun analyzing the results as if they meant something anyway. It was the reason I was also attracted to astrology, fortune telling, and palm reading, even though I knew there wasn’t credible evidence behind them. See I’m an extremely evidence-based person, a scientist even, if I can live up to that claim. I like when things make logical sense and I don’t simply believe in things without some supporting evidence as free from bias as possible. So naturally I was attracted to Myers Briggs, the psychological marriage of a logical system and human cognition, but for a long time I simply regarded it as a slightly more in-depth version of other personality systems, none of which seemed to have any real evidence supporting them. That is until three years ago. I don’t remember what prompted me into another Myers Briggs rabbit hole (a not-so-infrequent occurrence at the time), but I had begun to explore the cognitive functions behind the four letters for the first time in my life. Learning about the cognitive functions actually helped me decide between two types I had thought were both fitting for me (based on description alone), but were actually complete opposites in their cognitive stack. Anyway, I started following an inspiring Myers Briggs columnist and reading a little more about the role of each function and how it manifests in each position of someone’s stack. There was one particular article she’d written about the process someone goes through when they’re under stress. The general idea is that you come across a problem that you attempt to resolve with each function in your main stack. If each function fails to solve the problem (starting with your first function and then going down the line), you eventually get stuck in your fourth function, I believe what most people call being in the “grip” of your fourth or inferior function. It was interesting stuff and it made more sense than the generic descriptions of types, but I still wasn’t convinced. I liked Myers Briggs, but there wasn’t really any compelling evidence for it being real. Until there was. So here I am, enjoying Myers Briggs with a better understanding of the cognitive functions, but still not really believing the system. Like it was a cool system, but it was just for fun. So, naturally, I go to my best friend’s house and I bring her down the rabbit hole with me. She was a beautifully willing participant, as invested in the fun of personality analysis as I was, but more focused (at least at the time) on the descriptions of types rather than the cognitive functions behind them. She was between two very similar types (ENFJ and ESFJ) and even with my knowledge of cognitive functions I wasn’t able to definitively discern which one she might be. I’d also like to note that I did not go into great detail, if any, about the cognitive functions with her at this time. Her assessment was purely based on personality descriptions. Without any conclusive feelings about her personality type, we moved on. I mean c’mon, we have other things we want to enjoy in life, and what better way to spend time with a friend than through the manifestations of ourselves in some FANTASTIC ROLE-PLAYING? (no seriously, rping is super fun).  My bestie was already well-versed in the role-playing universe. She ran her own DnD campaigns, dominated the LARP scene, ran countless other tabletop role-playing scenarios, and all-in-all was a seasoned role-playing nerd. Me? I’d only barely touched Pathfinder, but I was really into role-playing in a free form system, one where the story was negotiated by the players (without any true DM) and not by the luck of dice or a system of predetermined rules. So I wanted to introduce her to this new system and we both went into it with boundless enthusiasm. But if there’s one thing you learn from role-playing, it’s that at some point you are absolutely 100% going to run into conflict. So let’s get into the meat of things, then. We had a set up for getting her character to infiltrate NASA. Why? Because she was going to spontaneously surprise her casual lover (my character) with a visit at work, and I don’t know if you know this, but casual lovers aren’t usually on the NASA guest list. It was a fun scenario! Who doesn’t like a little unnecessarily impulsive bribery and sneakery just to flirt (”flirt”) with your sometimes boyfriend at his workplace? Needless to say, her character shows up in an outfit that is 200% not an outfit you’d wear if you worked at NASA. Now I’m playing an NPC receptionist (NASA’s gotta have at least one) and I imagine as a receptionist at NASA, managing communications between different departments and personnel, that you’re gonna be just a liiiiittle suspicious of an unabashedly sexy lady who walks through the front door in tight pants and bright red stilettos.  So I add that the receptionist looks at her character with some skepticism. And so began the single greatest observation I have made thus far in my entire evidence-based life. Immediately, my bestie became a little defensive. I wasn’t really sure why, but she asked me if this was still what I wanted to do. Y’know, were my feelings about this role-playing scenario still positive. And I told her yes, of course, I am having a great time, I’m still committed to this scenario and I am on your side, we will make sure that you character infiltrates NASA. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a satisfactory answer. The balance of our friendship being reaffirmed was not comforting to her (if you know anything about the cognitive functions, this is what it looks like when Extraverted Feeling isn’t making you feel better). There was something else about this scenario that was making her feel threatened, so she tried again. “Okay, well, I’m used to systems I’ve used in past DnD campaigns and other role-playing games and normally a response like this means that my character has already failed.” Now THIS was interesting. A verbal description of Introverted Sensing at work from someone who had no genuine understanding of the cognitive functions. I had to curb my curiosity and keep a straight face as I explained to her that her feelings made sense, but I was trying to introduce her to a new role-playing system where there were fewer predetermined rules and more player negotiations, a system that was less defined and more free form. Needless to say, this wasn’t comforting. By this point, she was visibly stressed and I felt absolutely terrible about it but I continued to observe, waiting to discover some way I could help her feel better. And then she tried again. “Okay well if I were DMing this, I would make sure that your character had multiple options available for infiltrating NASA like being able to flirt her way in or threaten her way in or maybe there’s a card key lying around she could pick up or a family picture she could talk about, get on the receptionist’s good side and persuade her way through.” I’m sure she listed more (and better) possibilities than what I did, but if that’s not a confession of Extraverted Intuition I don’t know what is.  And seriously!  She did not know what the cognitive functions were.  Here she is, this poor people-oriented soul under lots of emotional stress and all I can think of in my head is “SHE IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING HER FUNCTIONS TO ME RIGHT NOW AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW IT, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING”. Okay so the thing here was, I did actually have available options for her to test out, but we hadn’t really gotten through to any of them as we’d only really just started. So I told her not to worry, I do have available options for you and it’s okay. NOPE. It was not okay, and I could tell because she suddenly got very quiet. This was my bestie, my wonderful, talkative, extroverted, people-loving bestie. And she was silent. I could watch the cogs in her head turning for possible explanations, stuck in a logical limbo, and finally when she spoke, she apologized, not understanding why she was under stress, trying to analyze the possible reasons for why she was reacting the way she was reacting. Maybe it was the house we were in, filled with bad memories. Maybe it was some errand she ran earlier that didn’t work out or other little stressors throughout the day that were building up and up and up.  Maybe it was the curtains in the room and how she’d told her mom not to order those curtains because they let in too much light in the morning so she couldn’t sleep well or they didn’t match the room right or she told her mom what curtains to buy and then her mom bought these other curtains anyway.  I watched her search for explanations for her behavior and fail to understand why she’d reacted the way she had (that’s a shadow function talk for another post). But here she was, exhibiting all the signs of someone stuck in the grip of their inferior function, which in this case was clearly Introverted Thinking. It was like seeing a unicorn; a genuine bonafide certified unicorn. I didn’t do anything to make her say what she said, I only responded to her worries and observed. I was as unbiased and uninvolved a party as I could possibly be while still understanding the material, and she didn’t have any knowledge or understanding of the cognitive functions, which made her as unbiased a study subject as she could possibly be, and she actually described every single cognitive function as she was experiencing it under progressive stress and in the exact order of an ESFJ. I was stunned, the most fascinated and intrigued I’ve ever been in my whole life. Of course I was sure to be sympathetic and understanding on the outside. She’s my best friend after all, I wasn’t just gonna let her be stressed and not help her out of it, so we got some food downstairs and focused on some other friendship activity we could do together. But there you have it. This comes about as close to seeing god as I’ll ever get, and ever since I’ve been a lot more invested in MBTI than is probably healthfully recommended. But I haven’t lost my roots. MBTI is still a system, and the system needs to be tested and checked and is not to be misused to fit people into a category that defines them wholly as a person. All important things to keep in mind as we keep observing people and trying to understand where conflict happens, why it happens, why two people get along or don’t get along, what values are clashing or coming together in the most beautiful way.  There is so much to learn from people, so much to learn about people, and having a system that helps talk about how people function in a potentially universal way is worth understanding and investigating. And that’s why I’m actually into Myers Briggs.
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adorkablegrrl-blog1 · 6 years ago
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Regarding Andrew Blake
So I deleted my last post because it was truly a TL;DR word vomit that made me, personally, seem incredibly manic and disorganized. I was pissed when I was writing it, because I keep seeing AB’s stan, Chris, making comments calling my best friend’s honesty and integrity into question. And, while I feel like everyone in the “Andy Awareness” biosphere has been doing a good job of calling that nonsense out for what it is (thank you @theteablogger​, thank you @kumquatwriter​, thank you @returnofthenecromommycon) seeing Molly and/or Chris and/or any of our friends who interacted with AB dragged in any capacity makes me feel quite stabby. It’s probably the pregnancy hormones that have exacerbated it to the word vomit state... I blame everything on pregnancy hormones right now. As is fair. I am growing a human.
I have pretty much said what I needed/wanted to say about the chronology and facts of what happened with Andy in LA here, so I’m not going to rehash the entire timeline. Besides it’s not my story to tell, really. It’s Molly’s. And, she’s doing a fine job of doing just that. And, I have been assured by her that she is not afraid of or worried about being dragged by either AB or his minions. (I still worry, but I will take her word at that and try to not go Mama Bear on people talking shit about her unless she asks me to.) 
That being said, as a witness to these events, there are a couple of important things I feel like I want to share. These are conclusions I came to after spending an ungodly amount of time going down the Andrew Blake rabbit hole this past weekend to try to wrap my mind around the largeness of this mindfuck of a story which is his life.
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#1: Andy has all the hallmarks of an addict -- in so much as he “lies, cries, and denies.” He lies about his past and present circumstances. He cries/deflects/minimizes to make it seem like he’s a victim of gossip and mean-spirited people projecting their own personal problems/experiences onto his behavior, and when confronted with the truth he denies that he has done either of the previous two actions. He also claims frequently to be reformed with no tangible evidence that he actually is (further signs of an active addict.)
I have intimate experience with addicts. Both those who are active in their addiction and those who are in successful recovery. And, I am here to tell you -- that the number one bedrock, hallmark, tenant of recovery is accountability. You have to be completely transparent about your life, where you are at, your past mistakes, and your present struggles. If you are lying about ANY of this, you are not a recovering addict. If you are minimizing your behavior (past/present) you are not a recovering addict. If you are deflecting responsibility for what you do and have done onto other people... you are not a recovering addict. Andrew Blake is not out of fandom. He is not done with leading cults. He is not done using people for money, connections, concrete daily needs for living. This has been clearly demonstrated by not only how he behaved in the past, but how he behaved with us before we even KNEW his past. And, this behavior was enough to set me on edge (and I only met him IRL twice) and set at least 8 other people outside myself, Molly, and Chris on edge. We were all creeped out by him, none of us wanted him around...  Here is a brief list of 5 major things he lied to me directly about: 1. He said he’d never been to LA before and acted shocked at how expensive living here was.
2. He said he was working “in-house” for the summer for an established costumer who was working on a “big” project. For those not familiar with the industry, that implies he was working in a more permanent capacity, for a film or television production -OR- that he was a staff member at one of LA’s various large costume production houses. That was not the case, he was doing piece work on an “as needed” basis and that alone was not foundation enough to warrant moving to LA for. (Nor was it lined up before he got to LA, to my understanding.)
3. He said he was staying the whole summer with Molly and Chris. Which was not true. As Molly told me, after I questioned her as to why she’d let someone live rent free for three months, that she had agreed to let him stay a week in exchange for a costume commission.
4. He said he had more costuming experience than he did. And, in fact, pointed me to an IMDB page for a different Andrew Blake who is an established costume designer in the UK. (And, my fault lies in believing this, as I didn’t do more than just look briefly at the page and go “oh cool, he has an IMDB page and some experience, he might be good to recommend to [name redacted] as a second assistant or something.” Had I looked more in-depth I would have realized his lie IMMEDIATELY and brought it to Molly’s attention.)
5. He told me he was 23. I believed him. He told me he was a cis-gendered man who was born a cis-gendered man. I believed him. He has a young face. I do not question people’s gender... though it gave me great pause to find out that he was transgender, presenting as cis, making transphobic and homophobic comments to my good friends. And, when confronted with those lies, he has either said “oh no, no- you misunderstood me, that’s not what I said, that’s not what I meant” (gaslighting 101) or directed his minions/stans to try to discredit those confronting him with his lies. This is addict behavior 101. 
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#2 He is SO not out of fandom...
Of course he knew who the Because Science guy was when questioning my friend C about her boyfriend (the Because Science guy.) Of course he pushed Molly to introduce him to the Critical Role cast (including that RIDICULOUS menu he suggested for a dinner party... hamsters and peacocks? JFC.) Of course when he found out that both Molly and I ran close with the Geek & Sundry crowd (Molly still does, I do not convention or comic con or podcast anymore due to stuff) and that we know Wil Wheaton and Stan Lee (frankly, who doesn’t?) he pushed us to make introductions. BECAUSE HE’S NOT OUT OF FANDOM.
It was suggested by one of his stans that he wanted to make those connections because it would bring him costuming work. Um. No. Celebrities have ZERO, zilch, nada, niente, nothing to do with hiring staff at the level Andrew was/is at. Knowing celebrities is only good for two things: 1. Getting into parties, B. Stroking your own ego and sense of self-importance in a very impersonal and tough industry. And, sometimes actual friendship, but rarely. Also one rule those of us who know and/or are friends with famous people follow is that we don’t introduce randos to them, no matter how big a fan, how well intentioned we believe them to be. And, given the stalky-stalk-mcstalkerson-from stalksylvania-ness of AB’s LoTR and SPN fandom scams (and, possibly a Bucky Barnes/Avengers scam? I am unclear how close he did or did not get to Sebastian Stan) -- it’s as obvious as the nose on my face why he actually wanted those introductions. And, that is not only creepy AF, but it is calculated and not at all about getting costuming work.
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#3 He’s NOT DONE with being a cult leader...
Like I said up top (I know, this one is TL;DR, too... Sorry, I have things to say) I went down the Andy Blake rabbit hole this weekend and read as much of the information out there about supernova shitstorm of a life he leads that I could before my head exploded. That includes the incredibly trainwreck-y book that was written about the LoTR scam; Abbey and Diamond’s accounts of their time with them (which ripped my heart out, I cannot even,) and the horrifying account of AB’s involvement in and exacerbation of the circumstances/climate which lead to Brittney’s murder (which is ghastly.)
What I noticed about all these circumstances was a pattern. Specifically, a pattern about how Andy interacts with couples. He finds someone who is kind and has empathy and other good attributes who shares a geeky aspect with him; he engenders himself to them and lovebombs them and disorients them and ingratiates himself into their social circle; he then moves into this person’s real life space; he creates conflict and friction between the person and their significant other or friends, thusly isolating them, making it into a “them against us” situation; and, finally he maneuvers into that that person of importance’s place in his target’s life. He then builds an insular group of people around them who share the “them against us” mentality. And, then the real fuckery begins...
He clearly did this with Abbey, he clearly did this with Brittney, he seems to being doing this with his Chief Stan... and, based on the behavior I observed, he was trying to do that with Molly AND if he hadn’t succeeded he had already decided he was going to move in on the relationship of another couple within our social circle.
This is horrifying to me to consider. Though I am proud of Molly and Chris that they recognized what was going on (before they were told about AB’s actual past and before they realized the scope of his lies.) But, it garners the thought of “what would have happened had he succeeded?” Was he trying to install himself into the LA cosplay scene and create a new cult around some fandom or another? I think he was. He surely targeted the group who he thought most likely to accept or tolerate his nonsense. He didn’t count on the fact that we’re all really close, already, and we are also adults who are pretty established in LA, in our careers, and in “the scene” and we’ve seen enough of this kind of bullshit before (though not on such an epic scale) to immediately throw up red flags when a pattern begins to appear. Where would his manipulations have led had he been successful? I don’t care to speculate other than saying it would not have been good. Which leads me to my conclusion:
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#4 Andrew Blake is still dangerous....
This might seem like a given. In fact, it is a fact. And, though I honestly wish nothing more than he actually was being sincere about his desire to reform his life and start fresh, his behavior -- even in this narrow two week span of time -- belies his actual intentions. Is his pathology a sickness or is it deliberate? I don’t know how to tell. As someone with mental illness issues, I resent him blaming his bad behavior on mental illness, so I don’t think that’s true. Is it possible he is a sociopath or has a BPD that he cannot control? Maybe? But, then again, much of what he has done in the past and present show a particular cold calculation designed to best manipulate emotions and behavior of others. Some are pathetic and transparent (like The Stickening) and some are more insidious (I’ll leave others to detail those instances since I have only heard about them second hand, not experienced it myself.) Further I’m not a qualified diagnostician, so I cannot speculate on his mental stability, other than to critically look at what he has put out about himself.
I will say this, however -- personally, due to a really intense triplet of tragedies, in 2015 I had a complete nervous breakdown. Of which I was totally incognizant, but which was observed by those close to me. They intervened and pretty much strong armed me into treatment. For about a year I had a “care team” because I was considered very fragile and it was thought that I might backslide into my breakdown psychosis. That care team was in weekly, if not daily, contact with me, my husband, my parents, my friends -- and, EVERYONE had a list of warning signs to be on the lookout for that would indicate that I needed more help and support and possibly a medical intervention. And, given my diagnosis (C-PTSD, Major Depression, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety) it required the utmost focus and work from me... I couldn’t even think about making major changes to my life, let alone being social, I was in (sometimes daily) therapy and trying to recover for a whole year before I could even think outside myself enough to make changes to my work, residence, relationships, etc. And, I was never outwardly destructive, but the intervention and treatment was that intense.
I’ve read various pieces around the different blogs about AB saying he has a care team and that he’s being held accountable and that he’s better and in treatment and he’s burned fandom to the ground, etc.... all I know is this: If that is true, and multiple people have “had productive conversations” (and, yes I’m the one who talked for two hours to Chris whatshisname) with people who are supposedly on said care team (though, has someone called the Players about this LA nonsense?) saying they had witnessed troubling behavior patterns that were indicative of a serious backslide.... and the care team haven’t acted on implementing an intervention for him? That calls into question if said care team actually exists and/or if he was or is in any kind of treatment for whatever his problems actually are. Are his problems actually diagnosed or just an additional layer to his “backstory” he made up to garner sympathy? Having been there, done that, got the t-shirt with serious, in-depth mental health care, I’m guessing the latter. It just doesn’t pass the sniff test. Anyhoodle... there are my eighty-bajillion words about Andrew Blake. I am hoping that now that I’ve spit them out I can stop ruminating on his latest fuckery and it’s impact in my group. Mostly, we here in LA are just glad AF that we excised him from our lives so quickly and with such precision. And, we hope that the pro-Andy stans leave Molly and Chris and the rest of our community alone. He ain’t welcome around these parts. If you have questions, comments, please don’t hesitate. Please be aware that any aggressive, mean spirited shit will not be acknowledged. Otherwise this is the one and only Andy Blake specific post I am going to ever make on Tumblr. Because I just don’t have the time or bandwidth for this brand of crazy anymore.
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